User talk:Demonthesens

Bam Margera

"Thanks, man."

  ~ HIM on Bam

"... Like, dude... Bam Margera is God. (puffs) "

  ~ Brainwashed heartagram-clad goth freak on Bam

"In Soviet Russia, Bam poses YOU!"

  ~ Russian Reversal on Bam

"Bam? Oh, yeah! That guy is cool... Bam is my homey."

  ~ George W. Bush, on the upcoming World War 3

"Did you REALLY have sex with a penguin?"

  ~ Oscar Wilde, on being a good parent

"Bam's a... skater, I think."

  ~ captain obvious on Bam

Bam Margera was spawned by Britney Spears and Oscar Wilde in the underside of Hell sometime in the year of 1979 when Britney, acting as a prostitute, was ordered by Oscar somewhere in Detroit. Nine months later, one of the world's greatest abominations was released on the unsuspecting Earth.

Childhood

Soon after he was born, Bamelda Margerapooschitzelhousenhoffer was first sighted happily rolling about in his own filth deep in the pits of hell from whence he came. When he just a young seedling, he first gained intrest in MAD Magazine and its occupants, particularly Captain Slutz and Pi vs. Pi. When he was three, Bam's uncle on his mother's side, Ronald McDonald, who was also Britney Spears' brother, got him a brand spankin' new McDonald's brand scooter. At age five, he got involved in hallucenogenic drugs. PCP and LSD were the main staple of Bam's diet until he reached age twelve when he discovered hamburgers.

Jackass and Fame

Once he aged a few years, Bam ventured into the dangerous realm of television entertainment. Mr. Margera went missing for approx. one year and was found May of 2004 backstage of the set of the morning television show Live: With Regis Philbin and Kelly Ripa wearing a dress and a pair of particularly stylish sequined high heels, smoking a doobie and applying beauty products. It was apparent that he had been impersonating the TV personality for the past twelve months. Police say that Kelly's husband didn't suspect a thing. He is currently in therapy. After serving three hours in federal prison for improving television content, Bam was released, and free to wreak havok upon the already disturbed national consciousness. Because he was already warmed up to the camera, Bam decided to start his own show including himself and his childhood friend, Johnny Knoxville hitting eachother with large blunt objects. It was a wild success, and after getting some funding, the pair went on to create the popular series of made-for-tv movies entitled DYTTWH, or "Do You Think This Will Hurt?" This caught the intrest of demonic movie producer Menahem Golan who produced the shitty-ass Thpider-man movies. Mr. Golan signed Bam and Johnny up for his newest film Indiana Jones and the Ridiculously Overeffective Whip starring Bam himself as Indiana Jones and Johnny being the jungle guide who dies in the first two minutes of the flick.

Bam's relationship with the band HIM is, in a way, dysfunctional. For one of his professional skateboards, Bam got HIM's artist to do the graphic for the board, and it had the heartagram on it. Because the heartagram was a HIM thing, but it was on Bam's board, kids now see it and say "Hey, that's Bam's heartagram! Cool!" This is just one of the problems between Bam and HIM. Bam slept with all of the band members and/or their wives, traumatized their children, and raped their various pets, most notably lead singer Ville Valo's pet dog, "Fluffy McFluffshit".

Bam's Skateboarding Career

... is way too sucessful for it's own good. Bam's leigons of fans either don't seem to notice or don't care that all of his fame in fact spawned off of his celebrity and the fact that he is banned in numerous states and territories, namely New Jersey, Ohio, Michigan, and most recently Saskatchewan, due to an unlikely incident involving a spork, a skunk, and the High Bishop of Saskatchewan's daughter. I shall not repeat these incidents for the safety of myself and others. Plus, it's definitely not suitable for the internet. It's not what you think, and you don't want to know.