User:Will Stuart
“ In Soviet Russia, Stuart Will's you! ”
Will Stuart[edit | edit source]
Early Life[edit | edit source]
Will Stuart was born in the small town of Sheer Awesomeness, Illinois. Here, Stuart suffered much hardship and teasing. The other people of the town felt that he and his family were so outstandingly awesome that they would make fun of them for it. Optimus Prime recalls a particular incident that changed Will’s life forever.
“ One day while Will and I were walking, Megatron all of a sudden jumped out of the bushes throwing those little wax bottles with the juice in them. Will was so upset, he just started running and never turned back. ”
Will was so upset that he never returned the town of Sheer Awesomeness. He decided to travel the world in search of people as awesome as he. After years of searching, going from country to country, Will Stuart finally found a place to stay. In the town of Even Awesomer, Nevada, Will was able to settle his life down and take a job at a local awesome factory putting the trunks on elephants. Here in the factory he found his amazing talent of being God. Many of the factory employees began worshipping him and following his teachings.
Philosophy[edit | edit source]
Following mostly the teachings of the Buddhist religion and Elvis, Will Stuart essentially states that whenever anything happens, it is because of him. Unless of course whatever it is just so happens to be bad. If it happens to be bad, then it would have been the act of the AntiWill. Will Stuart teaches that he is all things and all people, but he is especially John Mayer. The book known as “The Bible” tells all about Will’s previous works but seems to trail off into the works of a fellow known as Jesus. Jesus claims to have been the son of Will and King of the Jews. Jesus is actually a maternity clothing salesman that, when turned involved in a freak accident causing him to turn into the Sandman, was sent back in time with the ability to turn lepers into gold. Most of the last part was lost in the translation of “The Bible” and is considered incorrect by most preachers, ministers, and Mormons.
Will Today[edit | edit source]
Today, Will Stuart works as God in the local post office of your home town. He lives with you, in your house, and in the newly renamed town: Really Just Super Awesome Because of Will Stuart, Nevada. Along with being the local postman, Will enjoys being John Mayer, Quentin Tarantino, as well as many other amazingly awesome people.
AntiWill[edit | edit source]
The AntiWill is the arch nemesis of Will Stuart. The AntiWill will stop at nothing to cancel out the Awesomeness of Stuart. For centuries, Stuart and his followers have attempted to attack it, but each attack ends up in both parties watching a Humphrey Bogart film or having a discussion about Abraham Lincoln’s constant drug use. If one were to see The AntiWill, one should immediately run and get the nearest car salesmen and/or pregnant man.
Hats[edit | edit source]
Will Stuart is a firm believer in the article of clothing known as the hat. Although Will Stuart is generally a fedora man (as they are the awesomest of the hats), he will wear top hats and various others and he loves all hats in general. The only hat that he does not like would be the cowboy hat. cowboy hats are demeaning to all other proper head attire and in his opinion should be burned at the rack. This is of course with the exception of any hats worn by Clint Eastwood, as he and Will Stuart are the same person, and he is super awesome.