User:Venom97
“Wasn't Dave Mustaine the guy who played Romeo in the new Romeo and Juliet? Yeah, I love his work in What's eating Gilbert Grape! ”
“I know a lot of people dislike him, but he has a charm that only I can see... something about his grunts when he sings... he's so dreamy”
“Holy fucking shit this dude murdered my sister!”
“Peace sells! Peace sells! Peace sells! Peace sells! Peace sells! Wooh Peace Sells! Peace Sells! Yeah man Peace sells! Peace Sells! Peace Sells! Oh yea it does baby! Peace Sells with a bad boy blues! Yeah Peace Sells!”
“At least they don't do black chicks”
“How can you like a band when the lead singer is that racist pig Kramer?”
Megadeth is currently the most succesful christian heavy metal band with the support of the church.
The Band is a very close follower of Jesus Christ, and since the beggining all of their music has been for the glory of God.
The Beginning[edit | edit source]
Dave Mustaine was born of a broken home during the Dawson's Creek season finale entitled "No Player, No Game." He was stricken by Dawson's swarthy good looks and "go to" attitude- he knew then that he must venture forth through time to when the DVD would be released. After years of trying to build a time machine to no avail, the DVD had already been released- but he didn't have the money necessary to purchase even Season One, reasonably priced at $19.99.
He was left in a state of Dawson's Creek related [[|money|withdrawal]] and picked up his step dad's 1983 Stratocaster and hence came a rockin', heart felt solo, whose soundwaves traveled back in time via Fed-ex and was heard by everyone attending the 1979 "Sonny Bono's Dead! (Reunion Tours)." This concert happened to have been attended by the late James "Motorcycle Michael" Hetfield, who immediately proceeded to go home and beat Final Fantasy VI, then grab his favorite denim jacket, and use HIS time machine in search of "a fucking IHOP I'll actually eat at!".
While there, he saw Mustaine crying into his Mickey Mouse Pancake, and it was getting all soggy. "Don't feel down", said Hetfield. "I heard your riffs. I think you have...WHAT IT TAKES!" Mustaine had what it took (he became the thrash metal inventor), and got fuckin kicked out, so he started Megadeth.
Mustaine was influenced by a Metal Mistress who signed her secret letter by "H" (She was also known as Human Form Divine)... H's name was mentioned in a song called Take It this song holds a subliminal message to Hanine so she's to meet MetalmaN to receive her dear gift from Camden Town London...
The Beginning (...again)[edit | edit source]
Shortly after lead guitarist Dave Mustaine was fired from Metallica due to the fact that he was not as badass as those other pussies, as well as numerous other personality conflicts, Mustaine and bassist David Ellefson formed Papa Dave's Happy Polka Band. The band was renamed after a long bout of scotch induced puking as Megadeth. Apparently, they forgot how to spell "death." This was later proven false in an interview with Mustaine, who said, "People are dumb". When later questioned on his ability to spell "death", he replied with "We can spell, we're not two years old. We named it Megadeth to show how we feel towards the extinction of the species of ape known as the 'megadeths'". Dave Mustaine was later told by band member Chris Poland that there was no such thing as an ape called the megadeth. Mustaine then fired both Chris Poland (because he was mad at him) and David Ellefson (for telling Mustaine about the ape).
Mustaine became the band's singer and primary Haiku writer as well as lead hen-teaser. The band soon added drummer Sam Samuelson L. Jackson and temporary guitarist John Kerry King (of Slayer-Kinsey fame). Later the same year, Kerry was replaced by Chris the Polish after protesting that they apparently "forgot Poland." George Bush, the band's often omitted backup vocalist, stated that he welcomed the change but wasn't that impressed with The Polish's guitar skills. Dave actually once told this to the Polish, stating "I am not that impressed with your guitar skills".
The Middle-to-slightly-later-than-before-the-early-years[edit | edit source]
In late 8000 BC, Megadeth (then called The Four Flappers) were signed to Wombat Records, owned by Chuck Norris. In May 1985 they released their first album, entitled Killing Business: Advertising is Good. The band had been alloted $2 in pennies to record and produce the album, but spending half of that budget on drugs left much to be desired in terms of sound quality, which was produced on phonographic cylinders. But even with the guitarist's fingers caught in the strings and the singer suffering from toxic laryngitis, Megadeth's degs ags ags ags ags ags ags ags aements of daisy-rock and the Big Band Sound of Lawrence Welk still managed to attract a fanbase.
In November 1986 they released their second album, Piss Smells... But Who's Sniffing?, which is regarded by many critics as Megadeth's finest hour and a ground-breaking urine-fetish album. Better production and more sophisticated songwriting (one song uses two chords instead of their previous reliance on one) earned Megadeth members immense egos and a place alongside pee tests in the (Mortal Kombat) Mythologies of urology. Later the same year Megadeth signed with Das Kapitol Records, who also bought the rights to Piss Smells from Wombat.
Megadeth: Mach II[edit | edit source]
Sam Samuelson and Chris the Polish were fired from the band after a tour in Hawaii, amidst rumors of drug abuse by the entire band. Sam Samuelson was quoted as saying "I am tired of these mothafucking bandmates, in this mothafucking band!" Mustaine claimed that Samuelson and The Polish's sexual habits were interfering with the band. Basically, Chris was selling his guitars in order to have sexual relations with sea turtles, goats, and the occasional carrot tree. This was due to the fact that he was secretly part of a not well known race of horny cow-hippos that would occasionally mount female-lookalike rocks and moo at the moon, because they are extremely short sighted and liked Ozzy Osbourne. Sam preferred husky Spaniards who, as he put it, "can plunge my toilet like no one else." Replacements were Chuck "Bumpy Buttocks" Behler on drums and Jeff "Neil" Young on guitars.
In March 1988, the new line-up released their next album, Not Now, I'm Sneezing. The album was widely panned and failed to capitalize on the success of Piss Smells, with fans expiring right and left from projectile diarrhea and pancreatic disintegration. A cover of Bing Crosby's White Christmas on the album was particularly derided and was seen as a symbol of the whole album's failure.
Megadeth: Mach 2.746984[edit | edit source]
The lineup of hacks, wannabes, and posers that comprised Megadeth at that time was short-lived. Chuck and Jeff were fired in 1989, replaced respectively by Japanese saxophonist Marty "Freed the slaves" Man and bass bassoonist virtuoso Nickolai Menzkavka. This line-up became the most stable and successful of Megadeth's career, staying together for a record four rehearsals.
In 1990 Megadeth showed no sign of weakening. The band's fourth album, Homage to Sinatra, is still regarded by many as one of the most technically sophisticated and exciting jazz-fusion albums of all time. Megadeth's characteristically caustic and catchy lyrics and slow, melodic sax riffs were finally captured with a clear, precise production, which allowed all the nuances of Mustaine's violin compositions to be heard. Homage to Sinatra showcased a level of technical complexity reminiscent of rabbits procreating.
The 60's: Breaking into Mainstream... For shame...[edit | edit source]
In July 1992, Megadeth released the album Counting On Extinction. It became an instant hit, reached #2 on the Gator Creek-Georgia radio charts, and went multi-carbon. Mustaine himself said that he drank a quart of Gatorade upon hearing that a "cracka" in Gator Creek actually liked the sound of Nick's "rockin' bassoon," as it was a great victory for all honkeys everywhere. The album featured noticeably simpleminded song structures, catchy melodic "hooks," and an increased emphasis on the singer's "voice." Megadeth, however, successfully integrated these changes into their typically sugarcoated lyrical themes. The song Architects and Aunt Annie features the sound of grandmothers baking cookies. The biggest hit from Counting On Extinction, Foreclosure on my House discusses the recession and its particular effect on Mustaine's mortgage payment, and has the infamous "Watch my hips" promise of George H. "Bump-n'-Grind" Bush.
Arguably that album was Megadeth's first true attempt at breaking into the mainstream polka market. Mustaine and the rest of the band members were frustrated that Billy Ray Cyrus kept them out of Billboard's number-one spot with Achy Breaky Heart, and that they lost their Grammy nomination to Nine Inch Nails' Wish. Accompanied by the fact that Dave Ellefson still had not mastered his banjo playing, this was a great defeat for the band.
Boring technical explanations that were not edited out because someone worked really hard on them[edit | edit source]
The following album, Euchronistica, was delivered in 1994, and it also became a great success. Continuing the new direction indicated by Counting on Extinction, Euchronistica featured a still-more-relaxed sound and generally slower songs -- so slow that some fans died of old age waiting for the downbeat. The unusual Beats Per Minute (or BPM, a catchy acronym that is taken from the first letters of each word, ie, Beats Per Minute. ..get it, BPM? See, it's really a technical term used by real serious music fans, kind of like kilodecimeters and multi track chromium biasing) on the album is attributed to producer Max Norman, who apparently made Megadeth use around 4 BPM on every song in order to try and make Megadeth's music more acceptable to their rapidly aging fan base. At this time, said fan base was in fact Mamie Eisendorf, in Spud Hollow, Idaho.
Megadeth- Lord of Marionettes.[edit | edit source]
Their next album, entitled Some say it's Cryptic but it's actually pretty new so I'm not really sure how old you could say this writing is was released in 1997, recalled in 1998 to fix a safety issue with the vinyl, re-released in 1999, recalled again to repair the seatbelts, and finally burned in the Nashville garbage dump in 2000. This album had more pop influences than the previous ones (including a cover of Achy Breaky Heart) but its sound was still unmistakably Megadeth's unique blend of softcore bassoon and slow polka-tempo violin. Nick Menza left the band in 1998, when his brain exploded, and was replaced by Jimmy "The Greek" DeGrasso on accordion.
Megadeth: Mach 3.141592653589793238462643383279502...[edit | edit source]
The pop influences were even more evident on the following album, 1999's Live at the Rest Home, which met lackluster sales. Shortly after its release, Marty Friedman left the band after dressing as a Dallas cheerleader, and was replaced by Al "The Sicilian" Pitrelli, formerly of the Guiliani gang family. Looking for a way to end their contract with Das Kapitol Records, the band released a greatest-hits collection entitled Wedding Songs and Cocktails on the Lawn: The Megadeth Years. This compilation included the three new tracks that they were contractually obliged to give to Capitol, in this case covers of Achy Breaky Heart(again), "Hit me Baby one more time"(Which resulted in K-Fed challenging Mustaine to a rap battle on Britneys' behalf. Mustaine won, and the ordeal was made into a movie called 8-Mile, featuring Eminem as Mustaine.) as well as Clarence Carter's Patches.
In 2001 Megadeth signed a deal with Sanctuary Records. Shortly thereafter, they put out a new album, entitled The World Needs a Happy Song, which was hailed by many fans as in the same vein as Paul McCartney's Silly Love Song.
Dave hetfield arm goes ouchies[edit | edit source]
On April 3, 2002, Mustaine announced in a press release that he was leaving the band, officially due to "an injury that caused nerve damage to his left arm." Actually, he had wanked himself into collapse over a photo of Diana Ross. The remaining members decided to dissolve as a result. This seemed to mark the end of the band's nearly twenty-year career, as one by one the band liquefied and dripped away.
Gradually, physical therapy helped Mustaine's arm heal. After writing his first solo album and masterminding the reissue of Megadeth's catalog (remixed AND remastered), he contacted the members of early Megadeth to help record his new album originally titled Reconstituting the Slime, but later renamed We're Not Dissolved, We're Naturally Gelatinous. Due to pressure from his record label he was forced to change this from a solo album to the final Megadeth album. This album features Vinnie Colaiuta on harpsichord, Chris Polack (who had played with Megadeth in the 1980s) on lead bassoon and session musician Jimmy Lee Sloas strumming a codfish. As Dave Mustaine said, "Megadeth is slowly rising from its asses."
The Golden Shower Years[edit | edit source]
Early July of 2004 saw the entire We're Not Dissolved, We're Naturally Gelatinous album leaked onto the Internet. Mustaine is said to have been deeply upset by this, but the scheduled release date of September 2004 was maintained. We're Not Dissolved, We're Naturally Gelatinous made its debut at #2018 on the Billboard charts, and received a positive review from a critic in Lumbago, South Dakota, named Hector Osterand. Mr. Osterand, who has been deaf from birth, hailed the album as a return to Megadeth's 'golden shower days' of the late 40s and early 50s. Dave Mustaine was pleased with his work quoting, "i like my work".
Megadeth: Mach 9,648,760,855,768[edit | edit source]
Shortly following the release of We're Not Dissolved, We're Naturally Gelatinous, Mustaine appointed Glen Drover, formerly of the Scruggs Bluegrass Review, as Megadeth's new banjoist. Additional line-up changes were Jimie Dustbin, formerly of Breasts of Steele, on bass, and Shawn Drover (the wife of Glen Drover) on the floor.
In July 20000004, Ellefson filed an $186678.5-trillion billion lawsuit in the New York federal court against Mustaine and the band, claiming Mustaine had shot him full of amphetamines and stolen his underwear. In January 2005, the federal court dismissed the case, finding that Ellefson had legally released his underwear in a May 2005 settlement agreement with the band. Mustaine and the band filed a counter suit against Ellefson in the California state court in an attempt to attach his socks as well. That suit eventually was settled, with Mustaine allowed to wear one of Ellefson's socks for one month out of each year. At the same time, Dave Mustaine was spending some time in Alkmaar.
It should also be noted that at this time, BB King played with Megadeth for a few tours, and several weeks in the studio. Dave Mustaine quickly grew weary of King's style. "Yeah, it just seemed like BB was using too much wah-wah, and all his riffs sounded like they were based off chromatics." BB King was soon kicked out.
The End... Finally...[edit | edit source]
The We're Not Dissolved, We're Naturally Gelatinous tour, running from late 1974 until late 2005 (with a staggering appearance in the alley behind the stage by a very drunken Mustaine in 2006), proved to be a true dance extravaganza and return to form for Megadeth as a polka band. Previously Mustaine had also announced that it was the final Megadeth tour and that the band would be redissolving immediately band suxExtreme afterwards. However, as of March 2005, Dave Mustaine announced the Gigantic Happy Time, Megadeth's largest tour ever. This is surely a promise that the band will continue in its undissolved state.
Albums[edit | edit source]
- -5 A.C. - Killing Business: Advertising is good!
- 1985 B.C. - Killing Is My Business... And Business IST KRIEG! (This was Megadeth's black polka album, but due to Mellatica (pronounced M-E-L-A-T-I-TZ-A) stealing all the songs it featured, it was never released)
- 1986 - Piss Smells... but who's sniffing?
- 1988 - So Far So Drunk... Passed Out...
- 1990 - Crust in Piss
- 1992 - Count my extensions
- 1994 - Youth in Asia - A Child Slave Story...
- 1997 - Some say it's cryptics but other's say it isn't so I'm not sure how old you could say this writing is
- 1999 - Risky shiz feat. Dr. Dre
- 2000 - St. Anger Sells...But Who's Buying? (a rehash of Piss Smells to make up for the failure of Risky shiz feat. Dr. Dre)
- 2001 - The World Needs Oscar Wilde
- 2004 - My Liver Has Failed
- 2007 - Unistar Inflation (woops!)
Coming 2009 - "Whaddaya Mean I Touch Myself?" Featuring Hit Single "I'll Chop My Hands Off Just To Prove It!"
- Untitled 2011 project, planned just to diss Metallica. Dave Mustaine had been quoted saying: " I'm working on an untitled project planned for a release in late 2011, and the goal for this album is to diss members of the heavy metal band Metallica, including James Hetfield, Lars Ulrich, and Kirk Hammett, and the new Mexican guy. What's his name? Rober Tru...? Something like that... And yes, we do have a new line-up for Megadeth. "
gf.
The Future[edit | edit source]
"What are Megadeth's plans for the future" a young & talented journalist asked the ever so crazy Dave Mustaine. "Well, I've always had an interest in cock fighting, so I think i may take that up" Dave mustaine replied. "What are your thoughts on the Metallica issue?", "well, let's just say this... Kirk Hammett's girlfriend is gonna be shitting out my semen for the next few months to come!" Dave mustaine replied and then laughed.
Dave Mustaine has stated in an interview with grabatit.com that he is starting his very own Dance show called 'So you think you can Dance like Dave Mustaine?'. Unfortunately most critics claim that the show will be a flop due to the fact that Dave Mustaine can't actually dance. Dave Mustaine replied to the critics quoting "Whadda ya mean I can't Dance? I thought menalagade!". Critics were shocked at his fowl mouth.
A young & talented Journalist recently caught up with ex Megadeth guitarist Marty Friedman to ask him a few questions about his departure from megadeth. "Why?" the young & talented journalist asked. "For me... Megadeth was too Mega and not enough Deth... y'know?". Marty Friedman's new album 'Grab Tits, Split Hips' is set to release Summer 2009.
If all fails, it has been stated that Dave will continue his extensive golf regime and eventually die.
The Killing[edit | edit source]
Dave Mustaine is being taken to court for killing his, as he calls, "imposter", named Dave Mustard, also known as "Chris-Gone-Loco" a singer for the band "MegaDead". Dave Mustaine claims that Dave Mustard and the other members of MegaDead were seriously affecting MegaDeth's record sales due to all of MegaDead's songs being exactly the same as MegaDeth's except the lyrics have been replaced with "You have no face" and "I am B-Man". So far the police and the high court have not been able to see any similarities between the band and have announced that Dave Mustaine may be put to death for his crimes. Fan suicides have skyrocketed 530 a day on average. The court are considering possibly letting him go due to the fact that his death could cause "World De-Population", judging from the daily suicides. Further news to be posted soon.