User:Twb11-11/Cool Spot
Cool Spot was a mascot for 7Up, a popular video game character and a serial bigamist who gained international notoriety in 1998 after becoming the first non-human entity to impregnate a human female.
Early Life[edit | edit source]
Coolinho Reginald Spott was created by 7UP advertising gurus following a series of missed deadlines and a creative drought. Eventually somebody came up with the idea of putting a pair of sunglasses on a large red circle. Sunglasses are cool, and everybody loves red circles, right?
After five minutes in the studio with nothing more than two magic markers and three ounces of hash, Cool Spot was born.
7UP[edit | edit source]
Cool began working as a mascot for 7UP shortly after his inception, but quickly outgrew the brand and was sacked in 1992 following a frank interview with the LA Times in which he was quoted as saying:
"I mean, the World are apathetic to this shit man. They're like 'Sure I enjoy a 7UP', but once it's gone they... they totally forget about it, you feel me? I'm bigger than that now... I gotta take my shit in a new direction."
Following a famous guest appearance on Letterman in which he was clearly high, Cool became a favorite of the American tabloid press, frequently photographed falling out of night clubs with his shades slightly askew. Soon, he was never out of the spotlight.
Controversy[edit | edit source]
Cool created headlines internationally when it was revealed that he was married to 12 women, and had impregnated 4 of them. Aside from the sheer biological implausibility of it all, Cool was arrested during a 15 hour binge in Memphis, and sentenced to 8 years in jail for bigamy. Fortunately, Cool pleaded the 'Too Cool For Jail' Amendment and served only 13 minutes of his sentence. Snoop Dogg and Pete Docherty have recently also enjoyed the benefit of this law.
Personal Life[edit | edit source]
Cool eventually divorced most of his entourage, appealing to the state to allow him to retain the only woman he'd ever truly loved; Paris Hilton. The couple are still happily married and live a quiet, dignified life in Houston. In a rare interview, Cool explained the reasons behind the success of their marriage.
"I just feel like she's the only bitch that gets me, you know what I'm saying? I mean she knows what it's like to be a huge red spot man... OK she's a big red spot on society and I'm literally a big red spot, you know? But we got that affinity man. That girl... she my angel."
They live with their 4 children, Randy, Leo, Malik and Bella. In spite of the mixed species of their parentage they are biologically human, although all of them suffer from mild autism and an aversion to Mayonnaise. The oldest, Randy, has a myspace band page while Malik is studying to become a Juslim.
The Future[edit | edit source]
| “ | I'm just doing my thing man, you know? Chillin wit my keeeeds, shooting some hoop, maybe laying down some beats for my kinfolk, know what I'm saying? I ain't gonna be just the big red spot from those 7UP adverts all my life man. I'm gonna be somebody. I got dreams, yo. | ” |
- ~An increasingly stoned/delusional Cool Spot speaking in 2009.
Death[edit | edit source]
Cool Spot died of a nutritional deficiency on the 10th August 2009. He was found unconscious at home by his children but doctors could do little for him, declaring that they were amazed he'd lived as long as he had without a stomach in the first place.
There are plans to open a Cool Spot Foundation for diseased elk (it's the only cause left that somebody hasn't already blagged in the name of someone who died.)