User:Tompkins/Proper Journalism

Proper Journalism is a form of journalism in which the reported covers all areas of a story, with extensive detail. While most find proper journalism childish and overdone, there are still a few firm believers. In fact, many of today's most respected journalists use, or have used, proper journalism in the past. However, most of these journalists happen to be Geraldo Rivera, and the others just talk funny. In today's world, people don't want to hear long, laborious explanations of facts; they want strip club investigations and dogs with no legs. So, as the focus of modern day journalsim shifts, so does the way the journalists report it, and many people fear for the worst. According to a respected Wall Street source, oil prices are to hit $70 a barrel by the middle of next week.

Who?

Proper Journalism was co-founded by Mr. and Mrs. John and Jane Smith (1812 - 1984.) Whilst there are no confirmed reports as to when exactly this happened, Smith Analysis Corp., a division of PepsiCo, believe that it was probably sometime in the last millenia. When this view was challenged by the U.N. Security Council, Smith Analysis had this to say, "..."

Putting the Security Council's challenges aside, and assuming that SAC'ss analysis was correct, the independent journalism firm Qua? decided to organize an investigation to find out more about the Smiths. According to the 251 page report released by the firm earlier this week, not only did the Smiths live a luxurious life in the reporting industry, but that they were also involved with sveral so-called "side projects." According to Qua?'s in-depth research, the Smiths lived a total of 28,463 years, and parented nearly 500,000 children. Yet they still found enough time to win The Masters twice, the Kentuckistan Derby once, and make the trip to the Final Four a record 13 times.

Completely ignoring other achievements, proper journalism was most-likely one of the biggest successes of their lives. While major international victories in 15 sports may give someone a claim to fame, it isn't until you found proper journalism that you can really feel like you've accomplished something in life.

What?

Proper Journalism is, in fact, the most proper form of journalism there is; netting over 200 points in the "Proper" section of the Journalistic Styles & Such Survery held in 1992. Although the Survey makes it quite clear that proper journalism is the most proper of all journalism styles, there are still those who disagree. Many believe that the title should instead go to "Journalism, Proper" citing the fact that saying proper after journalism is actually the more proper way to do things. Often times these contrary statements will cause in-depth arguments consisting of both "Nuh uh" and "Yeah Huh" usually ending in a "Nuh Uh Yeah Huh Nuhuh Yeahuh Nuhuhyeahuh NUHUHYEAHUH!!!! ASKJGIUAAAAAA!!" show down.

Anyway, all showdowns aside, proper journalism is actually quite popular among some people. The fact that most of these people happen to be stuck-up little prats that would blow their own dad just for another pony is irrelevant to this article. Those stuck-up little prats are people too, you know! Instead of helping these poor helpless journalists, proper journalism usually turns it's back on them and demands that they get out of his house. But that's just the kind of journalism it is.

Where?

Proper Journalism takes place all over the United States! Although, it is mostly centered near the New York - Pennsylvania border in a small town called Mount Village. Here proper journalism is allowed to run free throughout the streeets, and it thrives on all kinds of intellectual beings. People like Tennesee Senator Bill Frist, and Fox News' Geraldo Rivera. These types of people are exactly what proper jounralism is all about.

Anyway, Mount Village isn't the only community where proper journlaism thrives. There are several more throughout the world, many of which were built for the soul purpose of harboring the dying remains of proper journalism. Places like the Hidden City in China, or that one town in North Korea, and several other mildly communist locations.

A normal day in one of these communities might include a short game of "No one move", a handshake, and a green bean.

Why?*

* May also subsitute "How?" if necessary, and in rare cases "Penis?"