User:Thegreatjoebivins
Hi there. I have come to Uncyclopedia to make slight, barely noticable additions to articles so as to piggy-back my dreck onto decent hardworking contributors' very funny articles. I feel this is how I can best improve this awful site.
The Great Joe Bivins: Sooper Guy[edit | edit source]
No, not Sooper Guy, just a really cool guy. I am an internet celebrity, but only on certain message boards. I don't currently have a social life. People frequently offer to bear my children.
What it is that I do.[edit | edit source]
Hey, I do a lot. I play music and write songs. I play the guitar pretty much constantly. I also play the bass and keyboards, but I suck at playin' keyboards. I'm a writer, as well as a webcomic artist. Also, I'm damn funny. And screw you if you disagree.
Alternate Versions of Me[edit | edit source]
The Great Job Devins[edit | edit source]
Created in an accident involving a spelling error and gamma radiation, Job Devins is my evil robot clone. He also does music, but he rules the keyboards and sucks at the guitar. He also rules the bass. HARD. He is often seen wearing a helmet similar to Boba Fett's and a SUIT OF FIRE!!!
Some things you should know about Job are:
- Job has been known to beat up Trekkies for no apparent reason. This is partly out of spite for yours truly, seeing as I enjoy Star Trek. If you also enjoy Star Trek, and see a man in a suit of fire and a Boba Fett helmet, you should probably run. FAST.
- Job plays in a Techno-trash/ElectroRock group called Dog's Breakfast. I say he plays, but they never play shows, nor do they practice or record or write. They just like to say they're in a band. I have the same problem.
- He has a pet rock waiting at home. His name is George and he's all alone.
- Syd Barrett and Pete Best are his all time heroes.
- Unlike me, Job has a social life. So don't expect to run across him on the internet anytime soon!
The Great Joe Trotsky[edit | edit source]
Initially I was unclear on how or why this version of me came to exist, but over the years details have revealed themselves. The Great Joe Trotsky is a version of me from a parallel universe where experimentation in quantum physics has disrupted the flow of time and polluted the timeline. In this universe, Joe became caught in an eruption of anti-time only to be thrown back in time to the early beginnnings of the Bolshevik Revolution, where through a strange series of events he supplanted Leon Trotsky as Leader of the Red Army and Lenin's right-hand man. Knowing the future and Trotsky's eventual fate as a casualty of Stalin's bloody regime, he secretly arranged for Stalin's death and manipulated the rest of the Politburo into handing over power to him after Lenin's demise. He went on to lead the USSR through WWII and up until 1953, when he became tired of that life and faked his own death, taking on a new identity of elder Irish folk singer Spanky Mangopie, who would go on to become good friends with that universe's Beatles and Pink Floyd, and using his prior knowledge of events would alter history again by preventing John Lennon's death and having Ronald Reagan killed. Knowing he'd changed his world for the better, he cryogenically froze himself in 1984, to be unfrozen when scientists have either found a cure for old age or invented robot bodies.
Joe Bivins in the Alternate MSPaint Universe[edit | edit source]
You know, the universe where everything looks like it was drawn in MSPaint? Oh, well there's a universe where everything looks like it was drawn in MSPaint, and this guy is that universe's version of me. He's a lot like me but a little more animated.