User:TheLedBalloon/Legalize
Look bro, I know this is a controversial stance. I understand if people get upset dude, and I'm not trying to win myself any friends by putting it out there, man. But bro, my conscience just won’t be clear until I get this unique, totally original, and never-before-expressed idea off my chest: I just think weed should be legal, dude.
Pretty much everyone I know is scared to bring it up. We’re all terrified to rock the boat or challenge the status quo, but man, someone has to step up and speak their mind. Some brave, heroic martyr, perhaps specifically one who is CRUSHING his intro to Poli Sci class at state school (go Minutemen!) EVEN THOUGH he gets baked in the parking lot behind Prescott Hall every afternoon before class. But enough about heroes. Here are the top 5 reasons that Cannabis Sativa, aka Cannabis Indica, aka marijuana, aka pot, aka sticky-icky-icky, aka toasty bluntz, aka dank nugs, should be legal.
Number 1: Getting blazed makes you cool[edit | edit source]
Cannabis plants are pretty useful: they’re a renewable resource, the seeds contain omega-3 fats and all the essential amino acids, fibers from the stalks can be woven into soft yet durable fabrics and papers, and many cannabinoids (including some with no psychoactive activity) have shown promise in mitigating or even curing a wide variety of diseases and disorders. But what are you, some kind of nerd, learning all that dorky shit? Why waste a bunch of time on all that egghead nonsense when you can just get rrrrrrrripsticks, dawg!?
Whether you’re chiefing a huge blunt before the newest Seth Rogen movie, taking a fat bowl to the face before the latest Adventure Time, or eating a dank brownie before a Dr. Who marathon, getting incredibly stoned has long been a pastime of the true movers and shakers in our society. Look at Carl Sagan. Think he got on TV just by studying physics, astronomy, and astrophysics until he earned a B.A., BSc, MSc, and PhD from the University of Chicago, then working for 4 years at the Smithsonian Astrophysical Observatory before becoming a tenured professor, director of the Laboratory for Planetary Studies, and associate director of the Center for Radiophysics and Space Research at Cornell? Nah bro! He owes it all to twisting up a few tasty pinners of that 1970s Mexican dirt-flower, the stuff your dad smoked back in the dark ages before computers figured out how to make your nugs all crystally. As an aside, that’s why people today are cooler than people from the 1970s: they get more blazed per smoke session, leading to a cooler per-capita populace. Bro.
Number 2: Cops are total dicks, and it’s not fair that I can get in trouble all the time[edit | edit source]
Like, OK, so take the other day for example. I’m driving down the highway a little fast, just like everyone else, but for some reason I get pulled over. Sure, I may have sped up a bit more than I needed to pass the lawyer in the beamer, and maybe I did have one or two tail lights out, and so what if I wasn’t wearing a seatbelt? It’s my life to gamble, which is why I was also uninsured and texting. I believe in freedom, man. Of course, none of that even gets brought up when the officer strolls up to my corolla after he pulls me over; it’s nothing but “jesus, this car reeks,” “that bag on your passenger seat must have a quarter pound in it,” and “is that bong between your legs still lit?” Fucking pig didn’t even know a half pound when he saw it, LOL! But yeah, not cool, my parents must’ve paid like a thousand dollars to bail me out of that one.
Number 3: Fat dabs[edit | edit source]
And not just any dabs man. I’m talking, like, the gooiest, stickiest, fattest, most skunkadelically dank dabs you ever…woah dude, is it 4:20? Eh, 3 reasons is plenty. Legalize it, bro!