User:TheLedBalloon/Hawthorne

Nathaniel Hawthorne (1804-1864) was an American romanticist author who had trouble ending his sentences. He'd begin simply enough, with a plan to convey just one or two ideas, you know, advance the plot along just a bit, so you get lulled into a false sense of security. That's when he starts with the Old English, or as they said in Old England, "Ye Olde English." This apparently, makes his literature "classic," so that literary critics and english teachers are obligated to drool over every sentence he ever wrote. Once the "thee"s, "thy"s, and "thou"s get started, the conjunctions come in. Oh sure, it seems like no big deal, one or two "and"s or "but"s, but after 7 independent clauses in a row, you begin to wonder, "wait a second, why the hell am I reading this when sparknotes could give me a much shorter, significantly more comprehensible version for free?" This is when the semicolons begin. Two or three of these later, and you've completed an entire chapter without hitting more than a single period in the whole three pages, or understanding anything the man wrote.