User:Tagstit/HowTo:Stand Out in Class

Ahh the wonders of the classroom. So many wonderful memories of potty jokes, putting boogers under the desk, and wondering what those big lumps on Mrs. Smith's chest could possibly be and why they are so appealing to you.

Alright, being the young child that you are, you are probably maturing and seeing new things in a new light. Candy doesn't taste so sweet as it used to, bugs aren't as fun in your nose as they used to be, and girls are starting to become...well nevermind, girls are still gross. But you are starting to hit the age where you are getting a reputation. Now, you could just sit their in the corner reading and playing with your willy, or you could be in the front being rowdy and becoming known for something.

You see, life goes by too quick and there is something missed when you are just studying your whole life. You need to think of school as a playground instead of a haven for learning.

Images

Probably one of your biggest things you need to change is your image. Walking to school in the same dark t-shirt and shorts is lame. You need to liven things up! But first you have a few directions to go. You will need to choose one of them and stick to it.

A good one to consider is flashy. This is where you put on neon bright clothes that pain the eye to look at. Wear some tight jeans and a bright orange or yellow shirt every day. You will DEFINETLY get attention. People will talk about you all the time. You will be called names such as, a bit on the colorful side, a homo, and a butt plunger, which may seem negative. Still, you will get attention and that is what you wanted right?

Another one that seems a bit strange, is just wearing black. You need to put on dark clothes EVERYWHERE and grow long hair and make that black too. Act sad all the time and try to get people to care about you. Most of the time this won't work. You will most likely be forgotten, but sometimes, someone will call you a whacknut or a faggot. The little attention you will receive will feel good.

Finally, you could always just try and be black. If you are black then be asian. And if your asian be white. This nice little circle will surprise people. In this day in age, people just are tired of the same ol' white underdog kid, the black gangster, and the asian nerd. You need to be new, and fresh! Don't be afraid to break the ever tightening bonds of rascism.

Finally, make sure you throw away all of your Pokemon cards, World of Warcraft T-shirts, Spiderman costumes with six packs built in, and everything else that isn't cool anymore. Although all this may seem boring, it is important for the next step.

Step 1: Be Unpredictable

You got to think a bit on the wild side for this first, yet very important step. Stop doing what you would normally do in a particular situation. Think about it like this, if you were doing all the right things, you would be cool already! But very obviously you are not so this is the mindset you are going to need for now on summarized in one simple sentence:

Before you do anything, think to yourself, is this something I would normally do? If it is, do not do that thing!

No, no not like that idiot. Don't say something smart when being unpredictable. Instead of "Oh Captain my Captain," say something like, "I like dickcheese!" See, much funnier.

This all may be very hard to follow, so a few examples may help to put some pieces together. Say, for example, a teacher asks you a math problem. A normal response would be to give an appropriate answer right? WRONG! Instead, say the first thing that pops into your head (unless it is the answer of course) like "BOOBIES!" After that, just watch the laughs flow in and your popularity soar. Another example could be say if your teacher asks you for math homework, instead of giving her the homework, pull your pants down, poop in your hand, and place the poop on her desk. If there are poop stains on your hand, just rub it on the board to spell out your name, or in your teacher's face.

Has this method failed before? Of course, with every great method, it is bound to fail on some occasions. For example, if you poop on a teacher's desk, and rub it in her face, do not expect a polite response from your teacher. On several occasions, children have been expelled, arrested, and killed for such behavior. Also, if you do lame things that interrupt the class, you will look awkward and ultimately unfunny. Remember, be careful when choosing your mischief.