User:SysRq/The Aristocrat And The Case Of The Sea Ants

I awoke with a start.

Garrett's mother had her face to the wall downstairs. James was sitting on the couch.

"Shit..." he moaned, "...college."

Garrett emerged from the bathroom, clothes soaking wet.

"Mom, there's a dog in the kitchen! I've been trying to melt him for hours but he just won't leave!"

Without looking away from the wall, Garrett's mother whispered something inaudible.

"What?"

"I said, just go fuck it!"

"But what about his family? There's a man, his wife, and his kids all in the other room!"

"Shit! Fuck them too! In the ass!"

"A cracker jack idea!"

"COLLEGE!"