User:Sweatsweat/Attack Force
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“I laughed, i cried, i loved...men.”
– Oscar Wilde on Attack Force
“A worthy and beautiful film, even if it's no Delta Force.”
– Chuck Norris on Attack Force
“I SAW it from the beginning to the end, and it all made sense.”
– Jigsaw on Attack Force
Attack Force AKA THE GREATEST FILM EVER CREATED IN THE HISTORY OF THIS AND ALL OTHER UNIVERSES directed by God herself starring The great and omnipotent Steven Seagal. It was released to further the glorius humanity in 2006, also known as Two-thousand-and-ATTACK FORCE!.
Plot Summary[edit | edit source]
 | Warning: The following text might contain spoilers. This makes the article more aerodynamic, and thus more maneuverable at high speeds. Take caution and carry a first-aid kit at all times if you don't know that Luke, Darth Vader is your father, Gordon Freeman accepts the G-Man's offer, the Elites, Hunters, and most of the Grunts all rebel against the Hierarchs and civil war ensues on High Charity, Leonard has already found and killed his wife's killer, the Skull Kid was possessed by the demon sealed within Majora's Mask, the alien scum was distracting Duke Nukem all along while their real invasion force was moving in on Earth, Richard Hatch wins, Mordred is King Arthur's son, Barnaby is already partly zombified, Janeway defeats the Borg, Camerlengo Ventresca is really Janus, and is completely insane, and Soylent Green is PEOPLE!!! |
(Actually, not really a spoiler... i mean, who hasn't seen this film? I mean, really, come on!) Marshall Lawson (Saviour, Messiah, man with hands like lightning bolts) loses his lame ass strike-team in a cold-blooded and seemingly random attack by aliens... not really aliens though, but a girl with strange eyes and superpowers. All in all a totally non-alien event. After this he takes it upon himself to investigate the suspicious circumstances of the brutal killings. Soon he uncovers ALIENS!!!!... Urhm, not aliens, but... CTX Majestic(EVEN BETTER AS A PLOT DEVICE! HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE?!?), a covert military operation so secret, so deadly, so alien... no, not alien at all... that chicks eyes are like that because of... drugs, yeah, drugs.... PHEW! Dodged that bullet with a great plot twist! Now now the military wants Marshall eliminated and/or dead. Resolute in his pursuit, Marshall engages in a merciless battle with a drug dealer operation that appears to be secretly funded by ALIENS... No, but...a rogue arm of the military! Yeah!
Trivia[edit | edit source]
- The movie was INCREDIBLY well received, even among Seagal's die-hard fans.
- For large portions of the movie, Mr. Seagal was dubbed by another actor, WHO TOTALLY ROCKED AND SOUNDED JUST LIKE STEVEN SEAGAL HIMSELF!!... really, honestly... he did.
- A remake of the critically well received Attack of the Killer Tomatoes!
- Written by Steven Seagal & Joe Help-Me
Cast (in credits order)[edit | edit source]
- Steven Seagal - Marshall Lawson, King of Kings
- David Kennedy - Some guy, dead in the first act
- Gabi Burlacu - Some other gurl
- Matthew Chambers - Random Guy
- Vlad Coada - Agent #3
- Adam Croasdell -
AlienCTX Operative - Mark Dymond - Phil, dies
- Florian Ghimpu - Tourist, probably dies
- Vlad Iacob - Agent #75
- Ileana Lazariuc - Queen Alien... no? Just Queen then, i guess
- Sayed Najem - Hitman Guard, dies a lot
- Daniel Pisica - Lead Team Soldier, gets it
- Robert P. Olsson - Captain Dogtosser
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