User:Striker2117/The Uncyclopedia Conspiracy

The Uncyclopedia Conspiracy's existance is widely disputed as there is absolutely no proof that any conspiracy is being perpetrated by what many wackos like to refer to as the "cabal."

The Theory

The basic assumption behind this crazy theory is that some all-powerful party simply does whatever it wants without any regard for the set rules. The members of the aforementioned party are referred to as the "Cabal" by all the users who, in their demented little cracked out brains, believe that such a thing exists. This is, of course, completely ludicrous as many of the most powerful, and therefore knowledgeable, members of Uncyclopedia openly state that there is no "Cabal". It is the suggestion of this article that you now go take a nice rest with the help of this handy rag of chloroform.

The First Investigation

The first investigation into the ridiculous allegations of the alleged conspiracy theory was undertaken by a small group of elite investigators. After much searching and scrounging for evidence of the supposed conspiracy, all of the investigators disappeared in circumstances which the writers of this article were assured were accidents and had nothing to do with the "Cabal" that the investigators had been searching for. After the tragic, natural, and non-suspicious disappearances of the investigators; a few users claimed to have stumbled across the dead bodies of the investigators in the admin's lounge. When they returned with the proper authorities, there were no bodies and the "witnesses" were deemed insane. These insane few also disappeared, never to be seen again, but the Cabal, which doesn't exist, reassured the other users that they had simply wandered off on their own and there was nothing shady going on at all.

The first investigation was seen by many users (most of which were in the non-existent Cabal) as proof that there was no conspiracy. After all, not only had no conspiracy been discovered, but all of the investigators of the alleged conspiracy were never seen or heard from again, presumably because there was nothing to investigate as there was no conspiracy. Further support for the lack of the supposed conspiracy is the disappearance of all those who said there was one; which is largely believed to be self-exile caused by the humiliation that their false allegations of a conspiracy brought upon them. A spokesperson for the imaginary Cabal largely agreed with this analysis when it was presented before him/her/it.

The Second Investigation

Despite the rational, logical, heavily censored, classified report produced by the Center And Bureau of Aboveboard Labors (or more simply C.A.B.A.L.), a few crazy denizens of Uncyclopedia once again began sticking their pointy little virtual noses where they shouldn't and a second investigation of some sort of conspiracy was launched. This second investigation was spearheaded by the infamous Does Not Exist who quickly stumbled upon a startling discovery. Fearful of the ever-present and non-existent Cabal, Mr. Exist scribbled down a 587 page report detailing every aspect of the monumental conspiracy and made hundreds of copies to ensure his entire report would not mysteriously go missing.

The next day, he was found dead in his room of an apparent suicide that consisted of him hanging himself, chopping himself into tiny pieces, driving to the ocean, and feeding himself to the fish and/or sharks. His hundreds of copies explaining the inner workings of the great Uncyclopedia had all overnight been burnt identically so that the only letter left was "h". Even the article on Uncylopedia itself was similarly mutilated with only the letter "h" left on the page. Although the page in question was nominated for highlight that day, it was deleted after the Cabal-that-does-not-exist realized that a single letter of the document detailing their involvement as a non-existent entity in the horrible conspiracy was still intact. Soon afterward, the nomination itself was deleted and all the theorists mysteriously disappeared once more.

h

The only surviving portion of the deleted article has perplexed many scholars of Uncyclopedia since it's discovery. The sole letter isn't much to work off of, but many interesting theories were put forth in an attempt to finally crack the great Uncyclopedia Conspiracy once and for all.

hCabal Theory

It was the theory of a prominent spelling-challenged scholar that the "h" was actually the remnants of the word "hCabal" which he believed to be the word "Cabal" spelled with a silent "h" at the beginning. While this theory was first though entirely preposterous, it was later brought back into consideration when it was pointed out that "hCabal" would be a good way to hide the dealings of the non-existent Cabal because people would be looking for anything relating to the word "Cabal" instead of "hCabal".

humo(u)r Theory

Another popular theory was that the "h" came from the first letter of the word "humo(u)r" which seems to fit well with the fact that Uncyclopedia attempts (poorly, this author might add) to be a humo(u)r website. If "h" did in fact stand for "humo(u)r", then the question becomes what it was trying to tell us about humour. This leads to more theories which suggest anything from the idea that Uncyclopedia is not humorous at all and that the conspiracy is to create a false cloak of humour around the site to convince others that the site actually is humorous; to the idea that Uncyclopedia's humour is being refined into some kind of new energy which will be used to wage a war for the benefit of the non-existent Cabal.

The Official Theory

The official theory released by members of the non-existent Cabal to explain "h" was: "'h' doesn't mean anything, in fact 'h' never existed. The article never existed either. If there theoretically had been an article, then it was deleted for the greater good of all Uncyclopedians. After all, you can't let them know too much or else their tiny little brains overload and they die. Look over there, something shiny!" Most Uncyclopedians thought this was a very good explanation (especially the part with the shiny thing) and the theory skyrocketed in popularity.