User:Simsilikesims/HowTo:Keep Americans out of your Country

Here are several easy steps to keep Americans out of your country.

Step One: Do Not Piss Americans Off, and whatever you do, Don't Have Any Terrorists that have harmed Americans in your Country. If you harbor terrorists, Americans may invade you in order to crush the terrorists.

Step Two: Do Not Have Any Attractive Tourist Destinations Now that you have mastered step one, you can move on to the next step. Things like awesome landmarks, ancient ruins, tall mountains, or beautiful sandy beaches tend to attract Americans in droves.

Step Three: Do Not Have Any American Franchised Fast Food Restaurants or Coffee Shops in your country. These tend to make Americans feel right at home.

Step Four: Do Not Have Any Natural Disasters. Americans love to come help countries that have fallen victim to natural disasters. This makes them feel better about themselves.

Step Five: Have an Unstable Government Most Americans like to feel safe, and generally dislike having any chance of being shot at (unless they come from the ghetto where they're used to it, but those Americans are usually too poor to travel).

Step Six: Avoid Luxuries such as Electricity, Running Water, Cable, Internet, and Garbage Service.

Step Seven: Do Not Own Lots of Resources that Americans Use and Import Large Quantities of. Examples: Oil, coffee, tea, drugs.

Step Eight: Convert to Christianity or Catholicism. This will help keep away American missionaries if you are already converted.

Step Nine: Install a Plexi-glass Dome over your country. This will halt most transportation in and out of your country.

Step Ten: Install radar detectors at the perimeter to make sure nobody can dig tunnels into your country undetected.

Step Eleven: Rebuild your country under the ocean, like Atlantis. This way, only divers can find you. Of course, some of them might be American, so proceed to the next step.

Step Twelve: Rebuild your country on the moon. Fortunately, America's space program seems to have reached its climax, and is low on funding so hopefully they won't go there again soon.