User:Simsilikesims/Harold Camping

Harold Camping is a famed salesperson of camping equipment, RV's, bumper stickers, and doomsday bunkers. He is well known for using a technique known as the "Apocalypse" technique to sell his camping equipment. First, he engages the emotions and beliefs of his victims clients by quoting well-known texts from the Bible, and having them sing hymns and praise songs to raise emotions. Once the clients have "bought in", they are almost as good as sold. He then can administer his sales presentation for camping equipment, using select verses from the Biblical books of Revelations and Ezekiel to continue the emotional high, and add a sense of urgency to purchase the camping equipment. He makes his clients feel like they are part of a select chosen few, and by purchasing the camping equipment, they alone can be prepared for what is coming. He reminds them that life is temporary, and that they need not be burdened down by worldly possessions, such as a house, or an IRA, or an annuity, or a college savings account. Then he soothes them, and reminds them that since they are part of the chosen few that are purchasing camping equipment, they can miss out on the terrible things that will happen to those who do not buy the camping equipment. To close the deal, and make sure that they do in fact purchase camping equipment, he specifies a deadline, after which terrible things will happen should they not prepare themselves by purchasing camping equipment and bumper stickers. Like others in the industry, he has a "Guaranteed Return" policy. However, the return does not in fact refer to the return of the camping equipment, but instead to the return of Jesus. Ironically, Jesus has already been returned to heaven, where he came from.