User:Simsilikesims/GNE

Disclaimer

I just feel that its time to put some light on our esteemed college, Guru Nanak Dev Engineering College aka GNDEC aka GNE. The contents have been written with complete purity of heart & soul with no ill-will against any one living or dead, still we believe some people might be offended; Our deepest of apologies if the case be so. Though the write-up contains both factual and fictional information, just to add to the humor content, but as it is said all fiction is born/influenced from facts. All those who still are interested may continue to read further on their own risk

About the college – The temple of everything including learning

Our ‘prestigious’ institute, Guru Nanak Dev Engineering College, celebrating its golden jubilee is affiliated to PTU. That’s the University of Punjab to which most run-off-the-mill colleges of Punjab state are affiliated too. Pretty Tacky University (PTU) got its root less than a decade ago. We guys refer to our college as GNE.

The college itself is not that bad, but at the moment history is a little dim and future is not so bright either, reminds me of the street lights in our college. Its best days were when it was ‘just bad’. Still the things are shaping up well and fast.

If someone doesn’t tell you soon, you might not be able to tell it’s just a regular (civilian) professional college. You might be tempted to believe you are visiting an Army SpecOps School, judging by the number of ‘live’ weapon combat exercises you are likely to witness in the course of your visit.

Students – The Brotherhood

The college distinguishes itself by serving the ‘Brotherhood’, go figure what that means! The vision document of college states "The real India as the Rural India", does that make all others fake? How fake can they get? The college wants 'upliftment of brotherhood by exposure' but exposure to what, to the decisions that are so very biased at times? My suggestions: do not expose anything to anyone lest you be booked for public indecency and try some pushup bras for upliftment.

The students of our college deserve mention in the ‘The Big Book of Mysteries’ because of a peculiar discrepancy. A big myth prevails in our college, much like the ‘presence of the aliens’ there is confusion here over the presence of ‘smart and intelligent boys’ and ‘beautiful and sensible girls’ in the college. People claim to know somebody who has heard third hand from someone about sighting one but the presence of both remains to be conclusively proved. To help the matters a little, traces of former have been found in decent amounts using latest state-of-the-art gadgetry but the latter continues to elude all experts and equipment.

Alumni – The ‘UNION’ of Strength

This is one thing our college prides itself over. Why not, when you have batches passing out since 50 years, someone is bound to get lucky somewhere. One thing the old timers like to boast about is our alumni’s overseas presence and I’m not even talking about illegal immigrants. And to say the least there is this proud taxi union in Canada of our college pass outs but no matter whatever they do, their belief in hard work always distinguishes them. So you can say the Genconians who go overseas acquire their own car very soon. The rule of thumb (highly applicable to the Brotherhood) is simple. When you take admission, you come from a pind (could be any native village), when you leave college you go to Canada. (“Main tan Kanaeda jana wa…”).

Teachers – Pure Inspiration

GNE encourages teachers to try side businesses too. Some teachers are in the agriculture business while some are TV personalities/anchors. Some teachers here are so old that they have taught the students fathers too! Now tell me who’s your daddy? Some teachers here are who taught your parents while some are who were in their final year when you joined or may be just a year ahead. Bridging the generation gap…yeah sure!!!

Still there have been times that even teachers couldn’t stay clear of brawls and other lecherous behavior; the less we discuss about it the better.

Quota – The Vision we are supposed to or rather made to Share

Now what is a college in India without a few quotas? But the thing is I strongly favor our college applying to Guinness Book of World Records for having the most quotas in the country, maybe world. Who so ever thinks I am joking can raise their hands… and slap themselves. Read this,

70% - Rural Quota 50% - Minority Quota 27% - OBC Quota (Latest One, thanks to HRD Ministry, GOI) 22.5% - Schedule Cast/Schedule Tribe Quota

Unknown/Undisclosed amount of

1. Handicap Quota 2. Border Area Quota 3. Kashmiri Migrant Quota 4. Sports Quota 5. Gallantry medal Award Quota 6. Gill Quota 7. Hooey – Pooey Quota 8. Mumbo – Jumbo Quota Out of these, last two are the most secretive kind (reqd docs. include Greenbacks).

College Strengths – Besides the regular boring rounds of EDUCATION

Right in the beginning, I would like to declare all ‘non-violence’ preachers as wimps. They are too afraid to stand up and take a fight and should avoid coming to your college. GNE prides itself over the diversified portfolio of weapon training programs it offers outside the classrooms. You are taught how to effectively handle a sword and how to wield a stout stick as an effective offensive weapon. Sadly the college only stresses on offensive capabilities of these instruments. Only known documented defensive procedure is to run, jump the boundary wall and disappear, hide in your ancestral village till the thing blows over. No wonder when its time to leave this institution you feel like a ‘Complete Man’ (even non-males/girls can claim this), and you thought that only RAYMOND was serving this business.

But still at times you see fake instances of ‘Gandhigiri’ in the annual STRIKE fiesta that our college holds and runs to a full show. No wonder one never finds enough time for a Technical and Cultural fests.

To sum it up our strength is our Physical strength. Brains ???? Aaa ki hunda va 22ji ??

Curriculum – The Dark Side

On paper the college offers 7 courses of Engineering, but this is just a front end for a SpecOps Training School. Before you get impressed the authors would like to point out that this Operation is not run by the GOI but by the Desi Mafia. Oh yeah...! The Alumni have been very successful in the Land Grabs market, Mafia style Hits etc... Some enterprising students have also made this area a nodal point for the local Dope Operations which at the current growth rate will soon overtake the Columbian Cartels. No wonder the Local Cops will kill for this lucrative posting. Regular Brawls, Dope, Attempts to murder... ensure that the Khakis get good supplementary income.

Canteen – R.I.P

(2003-07)

Now what is a college without a lively canteen or a cafeteria? The hang out zone for the students, it usually radiates with youth pulse. Before I proceed further I need to clear two points, one, good thing comes in small packages and two, we at GNE like to do thing a little extra. So we have a ‘Tuck Shop’. It’s good and small and in GNE, it means its ‘extra’ small. The guy there does great job handling all the five people that can fit into it at a time, (6 if extra slim guys). It goes to the credit of the guy that we still go there and teachers visit it too. This tuck shop is also the favorite point for mounting attacks on Rival Gangs. As per latest reports, Tuck Shop which was a favorite hangout for the Mechanical and Production Branches to sit, relax and check out the CSE & IT department Non Males (the closest thing to female that there is in GNE) has been shut down. Please Observe a Moment’s silence in the memory of that multipurpose establishment that catered to so many needs ranging from tea and patties, ambushing the rival gang members to Bird Watching.

Latest Developments - Just in

Contrary to common wisdom, which tells one to consolidate before expanding; GNE has ventured into the MBA business and a lot of gullible souls have already fallen for it. What are they exactly up to?? They produce more than 300 engineers a year and out of those more than 50% quietly join the jobless pool (some disguise it by sneaking into M.Tech and stuff but more or less it is pretty much the same) and now the so called ‘Young Corporate’ of modern India will also enjoy a similar fate courtesy you know what, no need to repeat it again and again.

And going by this logic GNE would soon start more courses in Biotechnology and Law. No doubt USA and Canada will love to have cabbies who can do stem cell research while stuck in those traffic jams and after all we know that truckers and cabbies need to get legal aid every now and then.