User:Shandon/What Color Is Your Obituary?
| He who dies with the most points…still dies. | Score: 0 | Question: 0 |
  Now, for the first time, Death Coach Online offers you the chance to see how people will remember your life! With our diagnostic tool What Color is Your Obituary ? , discover the archetypal vision of you "In Loving Memory"!
An obituary is a man’s last stand against the oncoming winter freight train of death. This last stand could have been called ‘desperate’ or ‘heroic’ or ‘fierce’, but no—it is merely the end…the final bleat of “I was here,” “I did something,” “I mattered.” Obituaries are for the living. They are an attempt to put the best, smoothed face upon the exploits or inactions, vagaries or virtues of an individual for whom time has stopped, and for the benefit of immediate family, distant relations and random newspaper readers present a varnished conclusion to that person’s life. But what horror: the person being remembered almost never has the opportunity to write their own obituary. Left in the hands of others, this main paragraph of your remembrance can easily be marred by misunderstanding , poor writing , and revenge. Death Coach Online can change all that, cradling this valuable brevity of your existence to its warm bosom and producing something you and your family can be proud of. Take mine, for example: Roosevelt, Theodore—D. January 6, 1919, Oyster Bay, NY, from spontaneous implosion of the brain caused by a lifetime of giving. A contentious objector, godfather, and admiral of the great white fleet, our small and sickly boy Teddy grew up to beat up the bullies, beat up the big game, and beat up Alfred Nobel. His destiny in just six decades was to leave a mark not only upon history, but on large physical objects as well. Telegraph the world: The old lion is dead. You makes your choices and you takes your chances. ~T.R.
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