User:Sgt. Shultz

THIS ARTICLE IS IN DESPERATE NEED OF VULGARITY!

Death Warrants are legal means of ultimate pwnage, mostly outlawed in third-world countries such as U.S. of A., England, and some parts of Northern Hungary. It is the only legally recognised document in the constitution of the state of West Virginia. If you live everywhere else, you better have nightmares, because they're real.

History

Death Warrants began as myths told to little lawyers and citizens to be, designed to scare them into reading every single line of words twice over before they sign anything. First put into practice by Lord Blackadder, Death Warrants became an essential tool in the extermination of dwarves, elves, proto-bureaucrats, and, oh yeah, Catholics. They soon became uncontrollable through the introduction of the printing press to the country of France. The unique combination of a desire to embark in duels to eliminate their enemies, as well as their uber-cowardness in the face of anybody with even a butterknife resulted in their mass production. The tale of the Humpback of Notre Dame was actually directly resulted because of an unsuccessful attempt to enforce a death warrant through black magic on the Humpback as a child.

Psychology

Sigmund Frueid was known to presrcribe death warrants to his patients; sometimes for them to use, others just to sign. Apparently, they serve to satisfy both the Ego and the Id, the Ego's desire to conform to society, and the Id to kill people.

Today

"So your telling me there's no fees for this credit card Joe?" "You tell me, you went to Harvard."

The latest example of a death warrant being signed was 17th Feberary, 2009. President Barack H. Obama, leader of the Demokratic Faction in America, desperate to pass their abortion industry stimulus plan bill, accidently signed one written up by none other than Jozzepie Biden. The question remains as to why, but some theories have developed. The Demokrats, ignorant of any legal documents of any form (see constitution), claim that it was part of a prank for this year's April fools. The Republicans, completely dymensional and so fundamentalist that they are still trying to think of a way to reconstruct the South, aren't expected to realise it until early morning 12th December, 2012 (along with the rest of Armagedon). To any Ron Paul supporters it is quite apparent what is happening. Dr. Paul, in secret conspiracy with Biden and other secessionists, wish to blackmail the president into eliminating all government programmes and spending not specifically stated in the constitution. Afterwards, who knows, maybe they'll actually use it. All we now have, is hope.