User:Samalot/SA80

Whilst trying to develop a new and effective weapon for the British Army (NATO had earlier banned the use of crumpets under the geneva convention), scientists successfully managed to cross-breed the last remaining male female with a small donut. The product: mushed pastry and what we all hope is vanilla jam. However, during the experiment one junior scientist tripped over a metal lab chair, and in the process bent one of the legs slightly.

The result proved to be an assault rifle. Not an effective one, its scope misted up in rain, the barrel jammed in sand and the cocking handle couldn't be properly gripped even by an expert at masturbation. But it was far cheaper than the British Self-Loading-Rifle and didn't have the drawback of being longer than Chuck Norris' genitalia. It was immediately mass-produced for active service. Some months later, worker's unions stopped the production due to many labourers breaking their legs tripping over chairs to produce the rifle. The Labour government backed the unions and halted all arms productions in Britain until the UK could find a way to make weapons for maiming and killing innocents without bruising the prouction workers.

Of course the voters followed Labour's example, because the only alternative govenment would have been the Conservative party, and no-one would vote for those shite-heads. After Gordon Green made the UK a utopia there was no need for weapons and all was well.