User:Rbpolsen/Buddha

Whoops! Maybe you were looking for Nirvana?

Approved by the Kansas State Board of Education
This page meets all criteria and requirements for use as teaching material within the State of Kansas public school system. It consists of facts, not of theories, and students are encouraged to believe it uncritically, and to approach alternatives critically.

A wise man once said: "Give me a quote and I'll give you an uncyclopedia article"

This article has many insightful or otherwise very deeply meaningful quotes by men that don't usually say smart or deep things. It is recommended that the quotes be copyrighted or Confucius may steal them for his nefarious purposes. "May the force be with you".

---

Go ahead! Pick your favorite Buddhi below.
But hurry! Before it's too late!
Note: If you are unsure which you want, it's probably either The Original Buddha, or that Fatass, the Chinese Buddha! Either way, have a nice day!

The Classic Collection of Divine Buddhi

Of all the Buddhi of the Earth, these are finest, the classic, original Buddhi. We're talking Captin's Coice, the finest of the fine, like a bottle of fine 1947 french wine. These Buddhi were hand-picked by the B-Man himself back in the day. If you can only take in one set of Buddhi, make this it!
Original Buddha: Ye-ha! It's The BB King himself! The man who opened the flood-gates for all future buddhi! The Holiest of the holy!	Chinese Buddha: The original fatass Buddha! No one can touch this guy (well, actually you can) Still a nice guy. He is one of the Prime Buddhi. It is said that he has more chins than China itself.
Japanese Buddha: Actually, yet another fatass (he sumo-wrestles) still a fine Buddha, though. Odd thing is, he also knows Karate. This Buddha enjoys crashing into Christianity like Al-Qaeda enjoys crashing into large towers with lazy-ass airplanes.	Indian Buddha: One of the cooler Buddhi, he is not a fatass. He is actually probably the skinniest. He is considered the Heart of all Sacrad Buddha, 1: Because he is the most unconditionally loving. 2: He works as damn hard as a heart.
Tibetan Buddha: Sadly, no longer with us. He was the first Buddha to die from a political assassination. He was killed by the Chinese Government on 1953. May his spirit rest in nirvana. (He is still fun to talk about though!)	Golden Buddha: Descended from the Chinese Buddha, The Golden Buddha is the money-god of the Orients. He pumps out wealth like the US Federal Reserve pumps out monopoly money. According to the Chinese Zodiac, his reign will end when people stop being complete and utter schmucks. Also a fatass.
Jade Buddha: The biggest pack-rat of all Buddhi, he owns a large collection of assorted stuff, most of which he doesn't even recognise. His favorite possession is his Chinese Jade, which is why he becomes really pissed if you take it from him.	Eternal Buddha: The ever-lasting Buddha that lives in each of us. His way cannot be told, his faith, not described. He isn't seen, heard, or understood. Since he is so abstract, trying to get a definition to fit in this tiny-ass box is damn-near impossible.