User:RAHB/Penis

A Penis is a person or organism who resides in, was born in, or has citizenship status on the island of Penisland. A mostly unrecognized region on most world maps, in global news, and in the media, the people of Penisland have been looked down upon for hundreds of years, stemming mostly from their similarities in appearance to the male sexual organ that is widely believed to be universal. It is not universal, as Penises, ironically, do not actually have penises. This is yet another cause for the rampant prejudice against them.

In The Beginning: The Age of the CavePenis

Just as the men of today are believed to have evolved from cavemen, who are believed to have evolved from monkeys, who are likewise believed to have evolved from tofu, the Penises are a long-lasting race that have existed since before the time of written words. Cave drawings from the island of Penisland date the earliest recorded living CavePenii back to about 6969 BC, a time of great sexual struggle amongst the CavePenismen, and CavePeniswomen. It is suggested that during this time, the people were nomads; however, living on an island surrounded entirely by water, they eventually ran out of places to nomad to. After a brief stint in commercials for a local brand of peanuts, the nomadic Penises were forced to become hunter-gatherers. The men generally hunted, while the women generally gathered what the men had killed and lain across the table, and cooked it into a nice hearty stew.

After years of hunting, gathering, stewing, and still looking remarkably like the sexual organ they would not find out they shared a name with until thousands of years later, the Penises became bored with the CavePenis lifestyle, and were hence forced to abandon it, in favor of several attempts at forming more advanced and civilized societies. Most of these attempts were named after some sort of precious metal, such as bronze, silver, or iron (though the Wood Age is of particular interest to Penis scholars), though the Penis people would not realize until years later that these terms also meant something to the people of the outside world that their island-dwelling minds still had yet to encounter.

Notes

• Pop Icons: Penis Brosnon, Agent 007 - The Penisator
• FuturePenis (cyborg)/Space Penis
• Osama Bin Penis
• Ozzy Penisbourne/Penis in Popular Music
• Barack O'Penis
• "Ever paranoid about his own mortality, King Penis constantly surrounded himself with a secret service of Trojan guards."