User:Prettiestpretty/Evil Twin

You. You have an evil twin, or a doppelganger, or an arch nemesis that has cloned you and now lives in your body.

Your mother has an evil twin, your dog has an evil twin, Abraham Lincoln had an evil twin, George W. Bush is somebody’s evil twin, you get the point.

How they are written into your life

An evil gay twin is likely to appear in your life when they are most unwelcome, just by pure coincidence, and immediately they will begin doing acts of evil and framing you for it, since despite the fact everyone has an evil twin, they always refuse to believe someone else has one too, since surely logic dictates that not everyone can have a twin and not all of them can be evil, wrong, just as 42 is definitely the meaning of life, and that John Titor came from the future, every single person has an evil twin, which is never you, since despite all the murders you committed, some astronomically stupid force has dictated that you are still good, I mean, you had to kill those people right? Nobody may know of your affair.

Once you need to defend your case, claiming it wasn’t you who committed all the crimes you naturally turn to your mother, who normally claims she never told you, but you have a twin who was pure evil, and somehow, they just vanished randomly and no one saw them again. Again, wrong. They have been watching you your entire life, probably via that tiny opened section in your closet, through the eyes of your teddy bear, and the camera in your mobile phone, how they managed to insert those devices is a mystery, and should never be solved, it is however quite possible that those objects weren’t there until the evil twin emerged from nowhere to ruin your life. I mean, you could have just checked your birth certificate to see if you had a twin, but whatever, things don’t make sense.

As the trial starts, it is possible that you will see the twin in the court spectators, take no notice, nobody else can see them, or the goatee, or the scars on their face, in fact, if you point them out now, they will escape, and during a thorough check of the court records, they will not appear, and the trial will continue, the twin may or may not come back if you do this. Instead, make sure to gaze vacantly at their location, as if to say ‘I will make you responsible for what you did’. At the end of the trial, when all hope is lost, point to them and yell ‘They are guilty, not me!’ and they will run away, only to be tackled by guards, and be imprisoned, even if you can’t prove they did anything anyway. They will then leave your life permanently until the writers decide for a comeback, no mention of the situation will ever be made again, and you won’t remember it when people you know find their personal evil twins.

Spot your twin

The average evil twin is as described above, goateed, scared, grey faced and enjoys both vandalizing things, and sleeping with your girlfriend/wife, and sometimes they are also murderers, but usually not so much as you are, actually, when you think about it, you could be their evil twin, since you are really, much worse then they are, aren’t you? Never mind, you’re a main character, so it doesn’t really matter, best not to think about it really.

Hero Benefits

While ordinary people have evil twins, superheroes and The Doctor, have doppelgangers and nemesis’, while similar to evil twins, they have many differences, for one, they can’t die. Ever. I mean, you could drop them into a supernova, inside an unbreakable steel cube, and around two years later, they will emerge, not giving any explanation about how they escaped, no doubt they will also have lots of henchmen, because they always do.

They always have excellent reasons for creating destruction, like, a traumatic childhood, someone burning of their hair, again as a child, and money, which to build the vast empires they have, they must already have vast reserves of it, but a little more is always good, just ask Bill Gates!

If none of these things apply to you, then you are an evil twin, so get out there and start reeking havoc, because, it will be around ten episodes until they stop you, and if you don’t start soon, then space and time will be destroyed somehow.

See Also

Evil, Dementia, Michael Jackson, The Michelon Man, Bibumdum, They Might Be Giants