User:Padimir Padoffski/UnNews: Meteor shaped like Simon Cowell's head on collision course with Earth
Today NASA confirmed that we are all in deep shit. A meteor shaped like Simon Cowell will hit Earth in two months time. A spokesman for NASA, Dr Ivor Hardone, spoke to us earlier:
'We're all gonna die. I'm off to smoke weed.'
It is estimated that the blast will wipe out most of the human race. At the moment the only person who will survive is Osama bin Laden whose cave will provide adequet protection for him and a small group of virgins. Therefore any other survivors will have to tollerate a world ruled by a trigger happy madman who likes to blow shit up. The American public is already well drilled for that.
Simon Cowell released a statement earlier saying:
'God. Its a yes from me, you're through to the next round.'
This statement confirms that he is indeed an arogant bastard.
The meteor itself bears an uncanny likeness to Cowell. Scientists have said that the extremely bright light emiting from its 'teeth' are caused by light reflecting off large concentrations of crystals in the rock. Dr. Hardone told us:
'Oh yeah. That shiz will probably blind us before the thing actually hits.'
In the UN earlier today there was a heated row over what to do about the situation. The only idea was that a country would have to nuke the meteor. However, no countries with nukes were prepared to waste any. Russia demanded USA would have to do it but neither side was prepared to give up any of their precious weapons. An ambassador for North Korea then said
'North Korea is prepared to use their nuclear weapons on the meteor. I mean...er...what nukes...we don't have any nukes...'
In the end no solution could be decided on. Damn UN
So the time has come for everyone to panic and go nuts. Go rape someone, stab a chav or expose your genitals in a place of worship. The more creative your madness is the better.