User:PL-7764/Barn burning

Barn Burning is the act of setting fire to barns, not necessarily one's own. It is generally a taboo practice, but it's just so fun once you get started that it's hard to stop igniting things and just watching them burn, listening to that satisfying crackling sound as the entire thing collapses inward, laughing maniacally at whoever owns it ... er ... sorry, got carried away there ...

Techniques

The best techniques when burning barns involve the use of the following items:

• Gasoline - for laying a trail to be burned from a safe distance from the barn.
• Matches - used to ignite stated gasoline.
• Legs - used for running from the barn.

Proper Barn Burning

Experienced barn burners offer the following tips:

• Always make the gas trail lead far from the barn and cover the shortest possible distance. You being a long way away and the gas traveling straight and true yields the best results.
• Make sure that the barn is no longer in use. Using barns containing livestock or valuable goods is generally frowned upon and viewed as unfunny.
• Don't burn barns in the first place. It's not nice. :(
• If you really must burn a barn, make sure that it is in a well-ventilated area away from trees, grass, oxygen, land of any sort, and anything known to exist in any way,shape or form.
• Burning your own barn won't make people think you're a criminal; however they may view you as insane to an extent.

Confusion

Under NO circumstances should ANY of the following items be mistaken for barns when burning:

• Barnes & Noble
• Milton Barnes
• Brian Barnes
• Sid Barnes
• Art & Artie Barnes
• the Londonian suburb of Barnes
• Alan Barnes
• Harold Barnes
• Ernest Barnes
• Barn owls (These especially!)

In fact, if it has an "E" anywhere in its name, or it appears to be alive, just don't burn it. It'll be better for yourself and those around you.