User:One nova/NVIDIA RTX 5090

The RTX 5090, the best graphics card to ever exist.

The NVIDIA RTX 5090 is a budget graphics card that the great and holy NVIDIA Corporation gifted to the world in January of 2025.

Specifications

Since the 5090 is a cheap lower class budget card, it comes with lame specs that are incapable of running Google Docs without crashing.

• The Gas Powered Uncle (GPU)

the GPU features a modest 67 Exabits of Very Redundant Actually a Mammoth (VRAM.) Because who needs an efficient PC when you can have a PC as useful as a brick.

• Crash UniteD Airplane (CUDA Cores)

With only 690,000,000,000 CUDA Cores the 5090 can't even handle 10 tabs open on chrome. These large numbers are merely an illusion to attempt to convince people that the 5090 is cutting-edge.

• Destroy Lavatory inStantaneouSly (DLSS) 42.21

Uses upwards size increasing technology to make the 5090 overheat. DLSS makes the card overheat so much that the general public considers the 5090 qualify as a top-of-the-line foot warmer.

The 5090 is also fitted with an advanced AI crawler bot from Iran that bears the wholesome title of: Destroy Lavatory inStantaneouSly (DLSS Downscaling.) This bloatware on your system is probably spying on everything you do and selling it to the highest bidder on dodgy sites. The NVIDIA philosophy is simple, we make things affordable because instead of paying in cash, you pay in personal data. Kind of like installment buying but NVIDA doesn't give you a say.

Comparison

With 50 meaning 50 years of data harvesting for you and the 90 meaning 90 data brokers to sell to, the RTX 5090 is a noticeable upgrade from last year’s RTX 4090 which only has 40 years of data harvesting.

Competitors

Since the RTX 5090 doesn’t meet expectations at all, it has its very own bottom of the line tier and cannot be directly compared to any other graphics cards.

History

Jensen Huang is the top individual at NVIDIA who created the 5090. At the very young age of -2, our mighty Lord and Saviour Jensen Huang was bullied by his lifelong enemy and cousin Lisa Su, the soon to be founder of Autistic/Mentally Deformed (AMD). As a result, he and NVIDIA were severely hurt, and he sustained many injuries. But Gaben, the CEO Valve himself, gifted Huang a magical leather jacket, which healed him and became part of his identity. As long as he wears the mighty jacket (he never took it off), he can keep fighting Lisa Su, who went on to run AMD, and preserve his destiny (see below.)

Destiny of Jensen Huang

From a young age Huang knew he was destined to save the world from the evil Su's clutches. He spent his childhood pondering and learning so that one day he could create the ultimate Gas Powered Uncle: The 9090 Ti Super. Every year he would create a more powerful card to combat the Red Team's buggy drivers and "Price to Performance" propaganda. He was severely damaged when the Linuxilluminati (by the way I use arch) decided to ally with the Red Team and spread Nvidia hate. In 2025, he released the most powerful iteration yet: The RTX 5090. Succeeding the RTX 4090 and combining the powers of the Ryzen 4070 and the 4090, he forged yet another card in the mighty depths of Silicon Valley. But little did he know that AMD had a secret plan. They forged an inferior Uncle known as the 9070 XT (Xtra Terrible [spelling). During the G(PU)enesis, AMD Dishonorably started with the RX 5x00 series. On the other hand, Jensen honorably started with the 2x0 series, eventually reaching the 10x0 series, then the 16x0 series, the 20x0 series, the 30x0 series, the 40x0 series and finally the 50x0 series. And the worst part is that in an effort to hijack the destiny, AMD not only SKIPPED the 8x00 series, jumping straight to the 9x00 series, they renamed their lineup to shamelessly copy Nvidia, with the 90x0 series. Like the horrible, anti-consumer, disgusting filthy monkeys they are, they attempted to confuse people worldwide, and make the legendary 9090 themselves. Needless to say it would be a dirty scam. They made the 9060, the 9070, and then heroic Jensen jumped in to their ugly headquarters to stop them. He halted Su, and stopped the AMD idiots at the dishonorable 9070 xt. There he stands, to this day, creating time for the amazing Nvidia employees to work towards the 9090 Ti Super.

Other Struggles

1. The First Computer War - The First War erupted after the Archduke Franz Linux was force quit. Open BDE blamed RaspiOS, which caused their allies to enter the war.
2. The Second Computer War War - Adolinusf Hitorvaldsler leads an Arch Linux charge against Powindowsland, inciting a global war against the NVIDIAllies and the Linuxis Powers, ending when the NVIDIAllies take the beaches of NORMANDY (NORMAl people like NviDia cards because theY aren't insane), on D(destroy linux) Day, shortly after which NVIDIA dropped the Ray Tracing Bomb twice on リナックス (Rinakkusu), ending the War.
3. The I'm Kind Chilly bro War - See main Nvidia page
4. The Linuxorean War - The Linuxorean War was an armed conflict on the Linux Peninsula fought between North Linux and MacOS and their allies. North Linux was supported by OpenSUSE and the Linux Union, while MacOS was supported by NVIDIA.
5. The Linuxnam War - The Vietnam War was an armed conflict in Linuxnam, Ubuntu, and Mint Linux fought between Arch Linux and Windows and their allies. Arch Linux was supported by the Fedora and Red Hat, while Windows was supported by the NVIDIA and other pro-consumer organizations.
6. "Mr. President, a second AMD 90 series card has hit the market"
7. The War on Linux - War in which NVIDIA is currently attempting to locate Linusama Bin Torvaladens. Operation NVIDIAeptune is currently ongoing.

Other world affairs

1. The Great GPU Depression – After the Linuxnam War, the world entered an era of catastrophic shortages. Historians blame a complex chain of events, including global crypto-miners, a rogue shipment of misprinted driver CDs, and the fact that NVIDIA spent twelve consecutive years launching “new” cards that were actually the same card with a different sticker. AMD attempted a bailout program known as “FineWine,” but critics noted it mostly involved waiting five years for performance to become acceptable.
2. The Cold Boot War – A prolonged standoff between BIOS and UEFI. Neither side fired a shot because nobody could figure out how to disable Secure Boot without accidentally bricking something. Diplomatic efforts stalled when Windows insisted that “you can totally dual-boot, trust us,” which was quickly proven false.
3. The First RGB Crusade – Sparked when the original Republic of Gamers declared that all systems must “glow with holy light.” Minimalist laptop users refused. Armed conflict erupted, resulting in the Siege of Microcenter, where worshippers of The Pure Aesthetic fought zealously against those who believed every fan, cable, and PCIe slot should pulsate like a nightclub.
4. The Browser Civil Wars – Chrome attempted to annex the RAM Republic, claiming “nobody else is using it anyway.” Firefox partisans resisted with guerrilla tactics and surprise updates. Opera briefly joined before being distracted by a built-in VPN and sidebar games. Edge defected multiple times.
5. The Great Desktop Partition Crisis – Peace collapsed when GParted accidentally resized the wrong border, deleting three nations and a family photo album. Mediation by the UN (Universal Namespace) failed when representatives kept arguing about whether NTFS, ext4, or APFS should be the official format of peace.
6. The Final Conflict: The War to End All Reboots – Tensions peaked when Linux issued a global decree banning mandatory restarts. Windows responded with Operation You Must Restart to Finish Installing Updates. Battles raged for weeks. Legends speak of a lone Windows Update screen reaching 100% without freezing; however, most scholars list this as apocryphal. The war concluded only when all sides surrendered to the true enemy: Java Update popping up during full-screen games.
7. Aftermath – Reconstruction efforts continue. Treaties such as the Geneva Convention on User Friendliness, the DirectX Accords, and the International Ban on 12-Gigabyte GPUs were signed. Peace, while fragile, endures—for now. But experts warn: if the prophecy is true, the arrival of “NVIDIA RTX 9090 Ti Super” may plunge the world into conflict once more.

See also

• NVIDIA
• Computer hardware