User:Nordamus/Sandbox
The Electric Pencil Sharpener, as its name states, sharpens your pencils, with the risk of electrocution for children aged 2-5, and will obliterate whatever you stick inside it. Kind of like a condom, in a very vague sense. It is also named the Power Mini-cutter by the emo culture.
Origin[edit | edit source]
The pencil sharpener was invented by Raymond Loewy, who was the quite typical army-man in the World War II, as a way to help his teammates get their pencils sharpened. The uses for the sharpened pencils in mind include jotting things down throughout the course of their mission, ranging from enemy war tactics to writing down their army-mate's girlfriend's phone numbers. The invention was mainly a success. However, many people died by the "Curiosity killed the Cat" rule. After autopsy results can back from the lab, it was assumed they stuck their finger into the pencil-hole, thus getting it chopped of swiftly. Other reports show that the deaths were also by lonely army men trying sexually please themselves. The reason for this is to get laid in the most heterosexual way possible, as these people were Republicans (which are not very smart overall). Some people survived getting their fingers chopped of by the machine. One survivor of the pencil sharpener incident claims that "The pencil sharpener was incredibly tempting. I knew that if you put a pencil in there, it would make it pointier. I wanted to know what my finger would look like if it were pointier, so I simply dipped my right pinky in there, and all I felt was pain. Luckily, there were people around to send me to the medical hospital. However, the pinky was totally destroyed by its... spinning blades of doom, so they couldn't re-attach it." Another man claims "I was very drunk."
Vietnam War[edit | edit source]
The electric pencil sharpener resurfaced in the Vietnam War, used by John F. Kennedy when he implanted it in the luxurious bedrooms of Ho Chi Minh, Nguyen Chi Thanh, and Syuk Ma Wang. John F. Kennedy's hopes were to have the three stick their finger, or er... other body parts, inside the dreaded sharpener. John F. Kennedy decided to use this method to copy what happened in the World War II. Ho Chi Minh was considered a very non-impulsive man, so he did not pull his pony-tail off immediately. He was able to resist putting both body parts into the machine for the first 5-10 minutes. However, Ho Chi Minh was slowly going insane, frequently babbling things such as NAZI and NAZI. He would have to relieve his burning curiosity (and perversions) sooner or later. We was very persistent, but eventually he died from curiosity.