User:Nikau/Mongol baby animal petting zoo
The Mongol baby animal petting zoo was a form of children's educational entertainment popularized across Asia by Ghengis Khan during the 13th and 14th centuries, although only between 8am and 4:30pm. Inspired by the simple lifestyle of his homeland on the Mongolian steppe, Khan attempted to provide toddlers a genuine farming experience by offering a place to stroke weak-kneed calves, and also by returning all their urban centers to the accursed scorched earth.
At one point the petting zoo ranged from the obliterated slave-colonies on the Sea of Japan to a miniature duck pond by modern day Bulgaria, making it the largest place of entertainment for children under ten in human history. In recent years, however, the Mongols have acquired somewhat of a negative reputation, mostly due to a public distaste for the captivity of animals.
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As all contemporary written records were turned into padding for baby rabbit hutches, scant factual information exists about the early life of Ghengis Khan. Historians hypothesize the young Khan probably owned a faithful old dog who ran out in front of a− or started foaming at the mouth until his left eye− let's just say the venerable canine moved to the farm.
Khan, taken aback by what the Koreans wished to do to the rolly, polly border collie puppies, was forced to evict the Goryeo dynasty from the vicinity. The Mongols launched no less than six major campaigns against the feudal states of the Korean peninsula after the military leadership of the Ubong Choe regime tried to feed the koalas, despite repeated warnings not to.
Following a brutal final campaign that saw 206,000 taken prisoner, Goryeo fractured into three factions; the literati faction who opposed war, the Junta that supported the war, and the faction for people who just wanted a choc-top icecream.
The treaty permitted the sovereign power of Goryeo, while the Mongols annexed all the hay-bales of Korea to use both as seating for adult guests and bedding for the younger animals. Following the submission of Goryeo to vassaldom, a significant number of local troops volunteered for service with the Mongols and took part in checking over the incubating duck eggs, suckling the clumsy week-old lambs, and attempting to wipe the pigheaded Japanese from the face of the Earth.
In 1266 Kublai Khan dispatched emissaries to Japan with the intention of establishing a number of portable enclosures for pygmy goats to tour Japanese elementary schools, or face utter annihilation. After discussing the letters with his inner circle, the Shogun in Kamakura refused to issue the applicable permission slips and had the emissaries sent back with no answer.
The failure of the Mongols to establish a petting zoo on the lands of Japan is thought to have contributed to the truly messed up Japanese portrayal of animals, as seen in Pokemon.
The Mongols were able to introduce the petting zoo to the Chinese with relative ease, as traditional Chinese medicine only uses parts from critically endangered animals and not everyday livestock.
Khan is credited with the first set of codified regulations in an entertainment park; these instituted the protection of animals during the breeding season, established height restrictions on the donkey-ride section, and forbade robbery and certain forms of intercourse on the property. The code was enforced with the threat of capital punishment, making the Mongol petting zoo a distant second to Disneyland for disproportionate responses to minor infractions.[1]