User:NeoZidane/The Meaning of Life
There hasn't been a question so fiercely pondered and argued so much as the question of whether a Monkey can count to 10 in Esperanto.
Further down this list of questions at #42 we have The Meaning of Life, which is also a well debated issue... kinda, still want to know about the Monkey though don't you? Huh? Ah well, alas this is not Can a Monkey count to 10 in Esperanto.
Origins[edit | edit source]
From the very beginning of life on Earth (sometime in the proto-mesakinterzoic jurassic park 3 period) some sporadic jumping of atoms caused simple organisms to develop. It was these organisms which evolved to a stage in which they were sentient, then some gland grew above their heads (or equivalent part), it was called curiosity.
This infection was basic at first, birds would fly into Tiger's mouths to see if it's cosy inside, fish would try and live on land and then jump around to see if they can fly. But these animals, when not eating or mating or running-the-hell-away from-a-giant-Lion. Would wonder why on Earth were they... well on Earth. These animals however, would be unable to have the cognitive deductions necessary to develop this thought branch any further than "errmm, woof" so they went back to eating/mating/running-the-hell-away-from-a-giant-Lion.
But then an animal appeared which could develop this thing, not very far of course, but far enough... they were, the Who-mans.
"We were made by a spinning beaver called greg"[edit | edit source]
The curiosity gland on this animal was very large, imagine two cups of coffee on top of each other, just try and imagine that, yes, THAT big.
However, big curiosity maybe, but a big brain? No. These Hu-mans would fabricate theories as to the creation and meaning of life, most involved dancing and chanting in front of something when some celestial body moves, sounds fun eh? Not when you are that "something"... that they are sacrificing... by bleeding you slowly to death over a fire while having your skin peeled off- ugga bugga indeed. These people, being gullible savages would always believe this fully, like if I said to them that the meaning of life is to count the grains of sand on Earth, they would grunt, and since they wouldn't understand my English would stab me to death, thinking I am a demon from Hakhlalaga land. Some ardent meanings included:
- The Sun clapped it's hands and there it all was, you must throw the 5 prettiest wives in the village at it or else you are doomed
- The Moon did the moonwalk and there it all was, you must build a temple using 600 people and dance maniacally in it every 56 days or else you are doomed
- A beaver called greg spun so fast and there it all was, you must overfeed 12 beavers with Zoozoo cherries only grown on a tree at the top of a 4 mile high mountain or else you are doomed
- The stars are in charge of crops, the sun in charge of energy, the moon is in charge of money, and Your mom is in charge of respiration, you live only to hit a snake on the head every morning
- Ukhta kuuku takalakala mooozooofooo, AJKHAHA VBYAAA!!
These micro meanings were unable to grow, until some clever people invented the Wheel, which was a round object that would allow locomotion through converting rotational motion into linear motion. This allowed these stories to travel and evolve.
Present beliefs of the meaning of life[edit | edit source]
As of 2007, there are meanings of life used by Hu-mans.
Science: To Be born. Try and get laid. Die. Repeat.[edit | edit source]
The most basic (or complex you may say) proposed meaning of life. After 1000s of years of research into the universe and sciences, that is the best they can say. I dunno, don't ask me. Personally I prefer the greg theorem. Some variants of the scientific meaning of life are:
- To Be born. Grow up thinking about the future. Be grown up and think about death. Die.
- To be... Ad infinitum
- To be... or not to be
- (for a lonely person) To be born. Die.
- (an aborted child) To be bor-Die.
Some other ideas have been put forward, such as To be... erm dunno and To be proxy by proxy but meh.
Monotheistic religion: To LOVE/FEAR Jesus/Allah/Mohammed/God/Yahweh, and in doing so, live for an eternity in heaven with free cable TV[edit | edit source]
The most widespread belief amongst humans, (probably because of the free cable). It takes the evolutionary trait that increases a chance for reproduction (love) and makes it the meaning of life, people dig it. How ever, the nature of the meaning of life is incredibly hard to prove, and the more you can speculate, the more variety there is, such as:
- To love god. Go to church and stare at the ground whilst mumbling out of a book. And get free cable in heaven.
- To love god. Go to a synagogue and bop in front of a wall whilst mumbling out of a book. And get free cable in heaven.
- To love god. Go to a mosque and lie down then stand up 50 times whilst listening to someone singing out of a book. And get free cable in heaven, 41 virgins too.
- To press the self-destruct button in the name of Allah.
- To stand in a circle naked with forty other strangers and eat each other's feet in the name of Ouroboros. And get free cable in Sheol.
- To press "Da Bomb" button and attack a 3rd world country in the name of God bless America.