User:Mysteryman2001/4 convicted felons escaped in 36 hours

This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation.

11 July 2012

Florida Times

Thursday, July 11th, 2012

4 convicted felons escaped in 36 hours

31 year old Outlaw John Marston had apparently ended his crime spree in a prolonged shootout. Along with his son Jack, Ex-Marine Luis Lopez, and the Balkian terrorist Niko Bellic, the group have been wreaking havoc all over the cities of Miami, New York City, and Vancouver. The group would normally rob stores and banks, less often make people hostages, but in very rare cases (there are only two documented cases) they would do drive-bys on hundreds of people and then run from the cops. When the pair was finally found, they would not go down so easily, however. The group fought their way out of the building they were in and then attempted to escape by boat, but the cops were too quick. The four were reportedly taken by boat to the Clinton Correctional Facility in New York, however, all four of the inmates found a way to escape at some point.

The first to escape was Jack Marston. While being held below deck on the boat, Jack apparently had a bit of a adrenaline rush and took this to his advantage. He bent the bars of his cell just enough to squeeze out of his room. Once out of there, he took out the two sentries patrolling the area. He then dressed as the sentry and threw the other overboard. Disguised, he then pretended to patrol, and smuggled himself off the ship by using the life raft and then got to shore. He then went to his hideout and restocked on supplies. The next to escape was Niko Bellic. When the ship got to land, the officers apparently did not notice Jack's absence and continued normally. They put Niko into a S.W.A.T. truck and then started off to the facility. About 15 minutes into the trip, Niko suddenly knocked out a S.W.A.T. corporal and, using the corporal as a human shield, made a mess of the S.W.A.T. team. He then stole a car and drove to the hideout, where Jack was waiting.

Third to escape was Luis Lopez. When Luis arrived at the facility, they took Luis inside. This would count as his fourth offense on his record. When the police apparently tried to dry-shave him, Luis broke out Rambo-style. Since he had watched all the Rambo movies, had training as a Marine, and had training from his father since he was a Army and Navy S.E.A.L. veteran, he had far more training than the state police, local police, and the national guard combined. He escaped into a subway and made some make shift clothing learned by instinct in his training. He then made a advanced shelter in an abandoned miniscule town underground by the subway tracks. The national guard blew up the subway town. They thought he was dead, but he wasn't. He had escaped into the subway. He found a secret exit, and he stole a S.W.A.T. truck by jumping on it and getting in. The chief of police in New York city got word that Luis was still around, and organized a more massive manhunt. It was so big there hadn't been one so big since John Rambo. Except, unlike John Rambo, He didn't back down. He went back to town with the M249 he had salvaged from the S.W.A.T. truck and he blew up a gas station. When the chief told him to give up, he didn't. He got back to the hideout, unfortunately leading the police there in the process. The three convicts (John had not escaped yet) had to defend the hideout against a massive 500,000 police, guardsman, and, since Luis was so wanted, the Army. Last to escape was John. He had developed the perfect escape plan and executed it correctly. The police had experienced everything particularly normal so far. They were impressed with this enough to let him out for an interview. In it, he said he was a Natural Born Killer. This caused the other prisoners to incite a riot, all because they were impressed by him. In the chaos, he escaped by beating a guard and taking his equipment. He then basically walked out. However, prisoners don't just 'walk out'. 100 police were waiting outside. However, John used Thu'um. Only kidding. He basically killed all the cops, but not with a one-man army. The rioters appeared outside, all in the gear from the cops they beat as well. The police were outmatched, but decided to try and fight decently. It sure wasn't decent. It was a mess. Then, John hurriedly raced to the hideout, just in time to witness the three already escaped convicts defending against the cops. John killed them all along with his rioter army. Then, they strengthened their posse with the prisoner rebellion army. Updates to come.