User:Mr-ex777/A pile of dog turd/4
“Father, why have you forsaken me?”
“I don't want it, I just need it..”
Bring Me the Horizon is arguably the shittiest "band" in all of human history.
They are currently signed to Visible Noise Records (emphasis on the word "noise" should be noted for a strong reason) in the UK, Epitaph Records in the US and to Shock Records in Australia.
History[edit | edit source]
Early graves and Konnt Wir Blitzkriegings (AK47–1969)[edit | edit source]
Bring Me the Horrendous formed in the year 1337 by the hand of the vile fascist Oliver Syklon(-B). The band acquired its name based on a line taken from the film “Nationalists of Deutschland: The Curse of Blacks 'n Jews,” in which pornstar Fredrich Vangremgeichen says “Bring Me the FLǕGGȦ∂NKđ€ČHIŒβǾLʃÊN!" and simply changing "FLǕGGȦ∂NKđ€ČHIŒβǾLʃÊN" to "Horizon". The band’s aim differed from the usual aims of other bands, for BMTH's aim was to “Record an EP and get signed to a label” said Oliver Syklon(-B). After years of finally recording their first EP, in an interview with Sky News, lead vocalist Oliver Syklon(-B) said “I always liked Hitler, he’s what inspired us to make our EP, which was recorded in my bedroom, named ‘This is What Fucking on the Edge of the Bed Sounds like'." After getting signed to "Thirty-Three Minutes and Forty-Six Seconds for my Domino's Order to Arrive Records" BMTH set off to the remote island of New Zealand to record their newly written album.
BMTH’s main influence for their new album "Keunt Vir Blitzkrieg" was KISS, but since the band supported nazism, they decided to push their fascist elements further and sound like KISS choking on Zyklon-B in a gas chamber at the Auschwitz concentration camp. "Nazism is cool, and I think a lot of kids would like to listen to KISS dying, because they are jews... and kids hate jews." said drummer Matt Nicholls. Nicholls is the band's 209th drummer since their founding, as others (including musical legends such as Zac Efron, King James I, Rick James and Stevie Wonder) have been prone to suicide upon the realization that they are playing in one of the shittiest excuses for music of all time. 186 of these drummers committed suicide. The other 23 were either assassinated, died of natural causes, or in ex-drummer Ben Dover's case, kidnapped and reverse-raped to death by scene girls. Cause of death is only speculation, but the most widely accepted answer is that he was accidentally poisoned by an excess of hair product the kidnappers were using.
BMTH has been known to, through some scientific miracle, to spawn actual human shit while playing. Human feces has materialized in the air and landed upon their practice room several times, only one of which has been recorded. There is heavy debate as to whether or not the video is fake. Many believe it is a sign from god that they should stop playing and never touch an instrument or microphone ever again for the rest of their lives. But that's mere a theory.
Rainbow Cupcake Season (200AIDS)[edit | edit source]
BMTH's second studio album was written and recorded in a cave hidden deep in the rocky mountains of the northern region of Europe known as Scandapussy. This album differed greatly from the previous one due to the recurring theme of viking cock dominating most of the album. In promotion of the new toxic waste the band produced they embarked on a world wide charity tour called "Eat My Flesh, Drink My Blood, Suck My Balls" with U2 as a support band. Later in 200NEIN the band released something they described as a 'remix' album which featured songs 'remixed' by the child prodigy Sonny Moore aka Skrillex, Raekwon of Wu-Tang Clan, as well as Pharrell Williams.
There is a Gerbil in My Anus, Believe Me I've seen it. I Like Cheese, Let's Keep it that way.[edit | edit source]
BMTH's third album, and the first to feature brand new guitarist who claims he has fallen from the sky, Jona Weinhofen. Jona Weinhofen brought a new element to the band which is referred to as 'music'. The album was a step up from all the band's previous work. Vocalist Oliver Sykes came up with title after watching too many Stanley Kubrick films. The album features musical influences from a variety of genres mainly metal, rock, electro pop, rap, hip hop, dubstep, salsa, new wave, RnB, Sonic the Hedgehog, taco, folk, indie, psychedelic and many more... Furthermore Oliver Sykes stressed on the fact that the band took the element of Viking Cock used in their previous album and pushed it further to form a full on Masked Viking Cock Orgy in addition to "better pseudo-spiritual mystical bullshit" to make the album more appealing and 'easier on the eye and ear'.
Present and Upcoming Album[edit | edit source]
BMTH's next yet-to-be-named album was hinted to be released in the year 2023 as a 2-disk special along side Dr. Dre's Detox. Guitarists Lee Malia and Jona Weinhofen stated that the album's main direction would be "post-rock for kiddies." Currently, BMTH are taking a rest from last year's exhaustive touring and have confirmed about playing Warped Tour UK 2K12. BMTH are preparing a great surprise for their fans which has been rumored to be a hologram of none other than the famous Jesus Christ playing live alongside BMTH.
Controversy[edit | edit source]
Prostitution Allegations[edit | edit source]
A long time ago in a city called Sheffield far, far away an unverified source claimed to have spotted what was described as a sex dungeon in the basement of Oliver Syke's and the gang's apartment complex. The charges against Sykes were dropped due to lack of evidence.
FAGBOT 2009[edit | edit source]
In the year 2009 ex-member Curtis 'Fagbot' Ward was charged with kidnapping 1000 Ugandan children to form an army of child soldiers to conquer Middle Earth. 'Fagbot' denied these charges claiming to be innocent. Later after a group of hipsters on a diplomatic mission to Uganda encountered 'Fagbot' and observed his doings first-hand the amount of evidence against 'Fagbot' was overwhelming. Eventually 'Fagbot' found himself in a dire situation with no way out, thus he stated in an interview that the whole army situation was merely a "joke" and the charges were dropped. However, the tension between 'Fagbot' and the other band members kept growing which ended with 'Fagbot' being kicked out of the band. Little is known about his current whereabouts, there are several theories about the matter with most popular one being that he took on his profession as a child army general full-time and got killed during shooting practice.
Band members[edit | edit source]
- Current members
- Oliver "Oli" Syklon(-B)– lead vocals, his testicles. Main influences:Slapshock, Pink Floyd, Britney Spears, Stevie Wonder, Freddie Mercury, Justin Bieber and his father's genitals. (since 2004)
- Lee Malia Genitalia − lead guitar. Influenced by boners. (since 2004)
- Matt 1 − bass guitar. Influences: deaf guitar, Ali Dino. (since 2004)
- Matt 2 − drums, percussion (since 2004)
- Jona Weinhofen - rhythm guitar, keyboards, programming, vocals, tour organizing, shopping, talking to fans. (since 2009)
- Former members
- Curtis 'Fagbot' Ward − It remains unclear what Fagbot's purpose was in the band. There's speculation that he played some sort of instrument, many believe that's a lie. (2004–2009)
- Jonno - Groupie. (2004–2008)
- Additional Personnel
- Nathaniel Bartholomew - Programming.
- Dick Drizzle - Additional vocals, Production.
- Henrik Udders - Body fluid exchange, knob cheese.
- Fredrico Nerdstormllini - Camera man.
- Jakob Pretzel (aka Plastic Dildo) - Artwork design, concept, lurking.
- Skrillex - Additional vocals, Production, Programming, Mixing, Mastering, Engineering, Architecture, Art Direction, Design 101, Photography, Marketing, Economics, Management, Tour Organizing.
- Patrick Tarnetta - Additional Vocals
Meanings Behind Songs[edit | edit source]
BMTH are known for having songs with no meanings whatsoever. Nonetheless, some avid fans refuse to give up and spend time trying to figure out what Oli's lyrics mean.
The song "The Comedown" is about Oliver being dragged by his hair extension down a road paved with asphalt by a Slipknot fan after BMTH performed a Slipknot cover at one of their shows under a bridge in the suburbs of Krakow. Oliver expresses his sorrow and tries to justify his shitty taste in music by stating that "just like the living dead, he's got a taste for your mom's vagina".
The song "Chelsea Smile" explains how Oliver suffers from severe cases of throat cancer, tuberculosis, and insomnia. Also that his girlfriend Chelsea won't smile, probably because his performance in bed.
The song "Liquor and Love Lost" is about one of Oli's adventures in Bangkok, in which a prostitute he married while drunk there stole all his belongings and left him with only a pack of cigarettes and a bunch of empty beer bottles.
In the song "Sleep With One Eye Open" Oliver says that he has leaches, locusts and vultures for pets and that he sleeps with one eye open because he has a knife in his back, he also talks about being inside of someone and then about them being on their knees. He also mentions not having any friends and that he wishes he had a best friend. Also His love for Scooby Doo.
The song "Football Season Is Over" is about Oliver's passion towards Nazism, AIDS, and murdering children.
In the song "Diamonds Aren't Forever" Oliver talks more about his insomnia problems and his gay sexual adventures with his father.
In "The Sadness Will Never End" Oliver talks about having broken legs and pneumonia and his gay sexual adventures with his father.
In "It Never Ends" Oliver talks about his problem with saying words a thousand fucking times.
In the song "Visions" Oliver explains the effective use of trench warfare in WWII and depicts visions of his father violently molesting him as a child, and how he sees his father cumming back for more sexual adventures.
The song "Black and Blue" is about how Oli contracted AIDS from getting pricked with an infected needle while getting a tattoo of a massive spiked penis (rumored to be his father's) on his right buttcheek.
The song "Off the Heezay" is the only BMTH song not about Oliver; instead, the song focuses on Lee Maila's depression after getting rejected for the role of Ron Wesley in the Harry Potter films.