User:Motmarymes/The red man
The Red Man[edit | edit source]
“It takes a second to know him, a life time to understand him...”
This is a tribute to the one known to all as 'The Red Man'. His good humor at a lifetime of jokes has earned our respect...
Behavior[edit | edit source]
Frequenting bars and pubs, the red man is a common sight to see stumbling about an yelling at innocent garments.
However fun this may be at the time, it can have some serious consequences when he picks up strangely dressed men.
Aliases[edit | edit source]
- Baldi
- Baldy
- Balds
- Baldini
- Red Nut
- Blood Nut
- Ginger Pubes (GP)
- Red Public Hair Man
- Baldsack
- Tempestora
- Fire Crutch
- Ranger
NOTE: The Red Man was the name adopted after a lifetime of teasing demonstrating the necessity to embrace genetic "misfortunes".
Distinguishing Features[edit | edit source]
- Colour: Flame orange - when wearing his rugby socks, the orange hair on his legs creates a glow against the black of the socks
- Skin: White with orange pokedots - all you need is a pen and you can have hours of fun
“My skin is actually transparent”
“I tried to join the dots but there were too many”
The Red Man is highly sensitive to ultra-violet light, burning within seconds of exposure. It is believed this is a practical joke by God who just wants to get into the fun that is teasing The Red Man.
In the wild you may often see The Red Man making intellectual jokes that none get, attempting to 'pick up' at respectable restaraunts, and of course being red. Whilst in solitude The Red Man often poses as an attractive 15 year old girl in chatrooms, or getting off when reading the erotic pages of Slashdot.
Japan and The Red Man[edit | edit source]
The exotic nature of The Red Man's most prominent feature; his hair, has led many experts to conclude that this is the cause of his popularity with Japanese women.
ISAF[edit | edit source]
“Although i do appreciate him as a person, i am rather scared of him and his obsession with destroying everything”
His lifelong quest for world domination has been temporarily put on hold in favor of other pursuits such as Asian women.
Science[edit | edit source]
A great believer in the string theory, and quite possibly the silly string theory, The Red Man spends a great deal of his time attempting to understand the intricacies of subatomic particles. Unfortunately those around him do not share such an interest and have mastered the uncanny ability to switch off whenever such a conversation is initiated.
The Red Man also enjoys conducting his own physics experiments. He favours experiments which involve solenoids and long springs. Unfortunately the apparatus usually comes off second best by the time The Red Man has completed his meticuluous, scientific research. Nevertheless, he has made some groundbreaking discoveries; such as the fact that insulation melts when high current is running through a solenoid. His next project is working on a coil gun.
The Red Man has never shown much interest in environmental or life sciences despite the fact that he is a walking biological marvel.
“Three woots for Quantum!!!”
Anti-Christian Sentiment[edit | edit source]
Due to his well known 'anti-christian' behaviour many have come to the conclusion that The Red Man is indeed one of Satanic worship, however recent studies have shown that he is not infact a follower of the Devil, he just does not believe in anything. One of his more popular quotes being:
“Im not a follower of the Devil, I just don't believe in anything”
Powerful words...