User:Missingno/Super Smash Bros. Brawl

“It's a fun game, but does it have to be so damn painful?”

~ Oscar Wilde on wrist straps

You need one of these things to play this game.

Super Smash Bros. Brawl is a fighting game to be released for the Nintendo Wii at some point in the near future. Using the motion sensor on the controller, the player scores points by actually bashing their younger siblings over the head with it. Successfully hospitalizing your opponent is rumored to unlock a bonus stage. Killing your opponent unlocks access to the Juvenile Hall level.

Weapons

Super Smash Bros. Brawl offers a number of weapons to use, although most must be unlocked by either playing through the game with the crappy weapons, or buying them for approximately $599 (US dollars) each.

Wiimote

The Wiimote also functions as a projectile.

The Wiimote (For those who don't speak Portmanteau, that's Wii Remote) is the most basic weapon in the game. While relatively weak, it has a number of uses. You can use it to club, stab, or even throw at your opponent. Some prefer to dual-wield two Wiimotes.

Wiimote and Nunchuck

To unlock this weapon, the player must become a Ninja

By attaching the Nunchaku to the Wiimote, the player gains access to the Numchuk arrangement. The Nunchuk does double half double half double damage against Pirates, and also looks cool. Detractors claim that the long cord make it unwieldy for use as Numchaku, but proponents insist that this is because only Ninjas can effectively use Numchucks.

Actual Nunchucks

Sadly, these aren't in the game. You could still use them to render your opponent weakened or knock him unconsious or something. Then just hit him with a controller so the motion sensor registers your hits.

Classic Controller

Classic, man. Classic.

This is similar to the Numchak arrangement, except larger and heavier. As such, it's more of a flail. Also, it's really old, and attacks are registered in 8-bit values.

Footnotes

Pirates blow major donkey dick

FREAKIG NINJAS ROCK