User:Merlin44/Maple story

=Maple Story=is for fucking gay nerds

Point of the Game

The point of Story of a Maple is to get higher and higher in the 'Maple Tree', which reflects on being high in general. At the end of each level you need to beat a monster, and the monster drops some kind of drug, more commonly, a 'snail shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhell' for n00bs, which are later supposed to crush it and inject it into their bloodstream. For people who are higher "leveled" they get a different kind of drug, which is called "mush caps".

History

Maple Story, or more commonly called: Story of a Maple by the creators, or the asians (more specifically, the Chinese, Japanese, and Koreans), is a MMORPG which originated in asia, and is a game which approximately 216 asian people play. Since that overloaded their bandwidth, restrictions that prevent Americans from playing the Asian version were created by them. In America, the version of Story of a Maple was called MapleStory (or maple global, by the chinese), to make it sound more interesting. That plot had failed, so only 2 people started playing it when it came out. These people are now known as the highest level people in MapleStory, level 50 and level 48. Then, 5 years after MapleStory was released in 1994, the Amricans, which were currently at a secret war with the chinese, hired a hundred of southern asian animators and artists, to improve the graphics greatly, and hired programers who previously worked under bill gates to improve the gameplay of MapleStory. Then a staggering amount of people (500,000,000, even though there are only ~350,000,000 people in America today) joined MapleStory, and crashed the servers continuosly for 2 and a half years. (this was mainly because the servers had a badnwidth of about 1,000 people) Then, when everything settled down, the MapleStory people invented the 'Cash Shop', which bought players new kinds of drugs that could only have been gotten with cash, and had made millions of dollars the first day it was released. The release of using real money to buy drugs, made the amount of people who play increase, due to wanna-be drug sellers. Today's MapleStory gameplay is much much better than the original versions, and the fact that it is is making them mad. This is making politicians worried, due to the expectancy of a sudden asian attack on america.

 
 
 An ordinary fight during the 1999 2.5 year long server crash.

Leveling

As mentioned earlier, the whole point of the game is to hump a tree...While doing drugs. When you gain a level on the tree, you get more higher, causing you to have more pot (HP and MP) and extending your skills, or abilities to halucinate throughout the game. Also with each level you gain, you must battle a boss. The first level boss is a green snail. The advice for this creature is not to let it crawl in through any pubic orfices and to kill it by stomping on it immidiatly. Next level is a Blue Snail. Same advice, only these have 7 more HP than the green ones. Third level is really hard...A red snail. Loads more HP (30 more) and can do extreme damage (4-8's) when let to crawl into body through orfices. Level four, you must battle a Crog, a demented kind of a frog that flies and does ~2000 damage with black lightning... Also has 100,000 HP. You're on your own on this one...

 
 The ogirin of the name "Crog" is unknown, because this looks nothing like a frog...

n00bs

N00bs are people below level 4, who have not yet battled a "Crog". n00bs have n00b skills, which consist of some basic drug-based skills, a meth overdose, halucinating making large amount of damage throwing rocks at things, and alchemy with pot. As you get a job and better skills, the skills become more and more addictive, making you hallucinate that you are doing more damage. n00bs tend to be more annoying than the rest of the players, because they dont know shit about the game. Since most n00bs are mentally retarded, they obviously want to become Rapers, they try out their Raper skills by commiting things such as suprisebuttsecks

Jobs

Overview

Jobless players are considered n00bs. At level 10, you choose your first job. The four jobs are: Pimp, Raper, Addict, and Seller. There is a town for every 1st job. 2nd jobs are considered PRO. PRO's are nerds who dont have a life, or people who don't have any money/connections to buy real drugs. Even though you must get to level 30 to get the your 2nd job, the gameplay gets more interesting, because 2nd jobs also have a lot more variety: the four 1st jobs branch out into 10 different 2nd jobs. 3nd jobs are there for people just to admire, since no nerd will ever reach that high a level. 3nd jobs begin with LEVEL 70, and there is the same amount of jobs as the 2nd job's but the titles are more interesting. The asian creators of this game are belived to have created the 4th job, starting at level 120, and are believed to have 50% of the people who play their version: Story of a Maple (which is ~108 people, if you can't count), be at the 4th job.

1st job advancement

This is where you stop being a noob. Most people become pimps, so they have to complete pq's, which would explain the overpopulation in Kerning City, or Pimp town as it is more commonly called. Other people become Sellers, which is actually better than a Pimp, but less popular. So they go to Ellnia, or Teh Drug Base as its called, and they start selling...The other jobs: Raper and Addict are stupid skills, most homosexual, or mentally retarded people choose those. But some n00bs who have no idea what they're doing, become Addicts, because "it sounds kewl"...And overpopulate the City Henesys with feeble attempts to kill the green mushrooms for their caps, which is the second best drug a 1st job person can get his hands on. Rapers reside in a town called Perion, which is a favorite town to visit by the Pimps to stock up on hores and stripers.

2nd job advancement

There is a lot of 2nd jobs. Pimps can become either Thugs, or Snipers. Sellers can become either Alchohol sellers, Amphenamines sellers, or Health Pot specialists. Rapers can become either: Pokeee Rapers, Goth Rapers, or Pervert Rapers. Addicts can become Potheads or Crackpots (Crackheads).

This took me a while to desipher, because the 2nd job people use a coded system of names. For example: Alchohol selers are called F/P wizards, which stands for Firepoisons importers. (firepoison is a type of alchohol that kills after 1 hour, at the most, after being consumed). Or another example is: Pokeee Rapers usually weild a long pole (to help them to rape people), or even spears... And another one is: Health Pot (HP) specialists are called that because the 2nd job people communicate to them by saying: "heal my HP dude!!!" ("heal" means increase my stock of [pot]).

Some of the more popularcities favored by 2nd job people are Ludibrium, Omega Sector, AquaRoad, Orbis and El Nath. Asian Story of a Maple have about 34 times more cities, but theyre not nearly as populated. (216 people are spread out over 127 cities, rather than, in the case of MapleStory 350,000,000 people are located in just 4 cities.)

3rd job advancement

There is a crazy amount of 3rd job advancements. Most people of MapleStory have not advanced to these jobs, althoug practically everyone did in the asian version: Story of a Maple. Thugs become Uber-Thugs ( a weird asian translation). Snipers become

Skills

General

To add more diversity to the game, the creators added 'Skills', which are hallucinations that appear on your screen and make you believe you are doing more than just swinging a stick around and hitting animated animals with it. The American version includes actual increased damage done to the monsters when you perform a skill. The asian creators have not thought of this because they usually do drugs while playing Story of a Maple anyway. But thinking about the younger crowd (38-45 years old) who cannot do drugs yet, the American version recquires no need of doing drugs while playing the game. As your level on the "Tree" gets higher and higher (and so do you), the skills become more and more addictive. This reaches the point to where people who are in their second or third job do their skills all the time, but not to the point of death. The term of lethal drug overdose is not applicable to the game, (you would die in the first hour of the game if it was). The only way to die in MapleStory is to have a monster take all of your "health pot" (HP).

n00b skills

Most of the skills in MapleStory have something to do with drugs because you need to hallucinate to perform them. As you level your n00b, there are three skills you can learn. One of them, as mentioned above is a meth overdose that increases your speed by 20%. Another is throwing an uncrushed snail shell at an enemy, and halucinating great damage. Another is making your pot (MP) into Health Pot (HP). These skills can only be used in 5-10 minutes, since they are not that addictive.

1st job skills

These skills are a little more addictive than the n00b skills, and are a little more interesting to watch. There are 24 of them, so I will not list them all due to risk of too much information causing chronic exploding head syndrome. The most important skill of the pimp, is to stab a monster two times, making splash effects, or throwing two random objects at a monster. Pimps have the most interesting skills in the game. The skills of the raper and addict are negligable, since it doesn't do a lot

Trading

Trading is done with a certain kind of asian drug called "mush caps". There are different kinds of mush caps: orange, blue, green, and horny. These drugs are similar to shrooms, and are called shrooms in 80% of the rest of the countries, which reflects on how high the asians were during the creating/updaing of the game. Mesos, the belived currency of Story of a Maple, are just rocks that are used to trade the drugs for, which are the real currency. These mesos are kind of a subcurrency. ((EDIT))

PQ's

Pq's or pimp quota mainly consist of a n00b, who wants to become a pimp

HP

Abbriviation for Health Pot, or an asian name for Marijuana that heals your wounds.

MP

Abbriviation for My Pot, or regular weed that inspires you, and makes you hallucinate and make kewl looking spells all over your screen.

Damage

This mainly consist of walking on a monster and having it take away a portion of your "health pot" (HP). You could also fall a long distance and have it fall out of your pocket. For more complex monsters, which usually only the 2nd and 3rd jobs see, they do a monster skill to make your HP go away, which usually consist of a fireball that flies into your pocket and burns your health pot. In the case of the sellers, who are the only smart job in MapleStory, (but not the coolest, thats the 'Pimps'), they use their pot (MP), and cover their health pot (HP) with it. So any monster that tries to take or burn their health pot will end up burning their normal pot, and so usually saving the sellers life. (sellers don't belive in health pot, because they think its a ripoff)

PRO's

People who don't have a life and play MapleStory too much. (usually has 2nd job advancement) The cure from PROness is very hard to obtain, but it is rumored that if you either buy real drugs, or fuck a random stripper (prefrebly a female) you can realize what a dumbass you have been for playing MapleStory too much. This is different in the case of asians because half of their population is at the 4th job advancement. (thats 4x the levels of the 2nd job advancement) The cure for an asian is to--THERE IS NO CURE. THE ONLY GOOD THING THAT CAN COME OUT OF A Story of A Maple ASIAN NERD IS HIM/HER BECOMING A NUCLEAR-SUICIDE BOMBER. After that, they are advised to bomb the capitol of asia by the united states government.

Suprisebuttsecks

A random event (the only in MapleStory) where a n00b rapidly hits the "down" button, making the image of him/her raping you. This usually happens when you come across a n00b-wanna-be-Raper or a Raper/PRO Raper in Perion. This random event is also referred to by more pro rapers as BROKEBACKMOUNTAIN STYLE, or Buttpwnage. Asians have a lot more "wrongly-sexually orianted random events" than the MapleStory version has. Some of them include: Mushroom Torture, . They also include pretty gay towns such as: Gay Happyville, (an event town), (the translations are not exact since the asian launguage is hard to understand for people that are not mentally retatarded)