User:Mattsnow/Rammstein

Rammstein is a German "music" group dealing in the industrialo-punko-skinheado-fastasfukbeat genre. It is composed of six Nazis who served under Hitler and were giving the marching beat to the militia. Their lead singer, Shill Panzermann, possess a hoarse voice that has been perfected through the years by smoking 3 packs of cigarettes a day and inhaling some residual Zyklon B from the gas chambers the group uses for entertainment between two shows. The group is named after a town in which a major plane crash occurred, wiping out half the population, and the six members thought it would add some glamour and popular sympathy to their work if they picked that name.

History

Early Years

Rammstein was founded during World War II, by Richard Zhitpetter Korpse, a 14-year old guitarist who had no guitar because he could not buy one. When Adolf Hitler went to West Berlin for his daily charity funds, he noticed Korpse playing with a piece of shit and he totally knew that he had potential. So Hitler amazed by Korpse, approached him suddenly and gave him a limited edition Gibson guitar that was imported from Great Britain. Hitler then gave him exclusive guitar lessons and Korpse became a guitar hero.

When the United States started to destroy Germany, he assigned for the war to become a Fallschrimjägr. Hitler was proud of him for doing so. There he met Mik "Mick" Gibrheliz, a gunner that practically wasn't in the band. Korpse just met him and he wasn't important. He also met Shill Panzermann, who was his new best buddy during their fight through the war.

Two months later, someone had shot Mik in the head and he died. But nobody really cared. Then Korpse and Panzermann eventually meet Charlie "Ollie" Chaplin, Doom "Doom" Doom, and Dundrough "Flake" Lozenge during one of their missions. All of them eventually become friends during the war. They made a good team and nobody could beat them, but then they lost the war. And they were all fucktards for doing so.

First Concert

They still were together after the war and they experienced long periods of depression. But they realized that they need to do something in order to stop them from committing suicide. So they decided to make a band and named it Franck And Stiens. Nobody really knew who Franck was but they didn't fucking care. All they wanted to do was to make a band

Their daily practice sessions were held in Panzermann's garage. They would practiced for 8 months to prepare for their first concert. They decided that they should disguise themselves as Austrians to hide the shame of losing the war. The concert was held on April 26, 1986 in the Ukrainian city of Pripyat. A few people came and they had no choice but to start. The concert began at exactly 1:00 AM in the morning.

After 20 minutes of musical shame passed, only but a few listeners were still at the concert. They were deemed as "awful" and "unpleasant". The concert was also first recorded usage of the compound word "fuckshit". The band eventually became more depressed and they would eventually made music only composed of pointless drivel. Then, seven minutes afterwards, the nearby Chernobyl Nuclear Power Plant suddenly exploded because their music sucked. It really did. That event would then inflict a big amount of radiation to the city, something that they were to blame.

To escape from anyone who might arrest them, they immediately went to a road away from the city and hitchhiked for anyone who was kind enough. Pole H. Laundrie, who was just going back to Germany from a trip, pulled over before realizing that they were too many. He thought that he was going to be gang-banged so he immediately started to drive away from the band. Korpse then begged him for mercy and he made them ride his car. Korpse told him that they were a band and Laundrie, having a secret dream of becoming a musician, decided that he would join them.

The band's name was then changed to Rammstein for a hiding the shame that they brought upon themselves in the city of Pripyat (aside from Laundrie of course). After 1 month, they would release an album named Herezleid with only one song in it and they would become stars.