User:Matt lobster/UnNews:Julian Assange arrested for cycling on pavement

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Jump to navigation Jump to search

The controversial founder of the Wikileaks website an Julian Assange has been arrested in London after Intepol placed him on a red notice list of wanted human beings. The justification comes from outstanding charges in Switzerland that the 39 year old on two occasions ‘cycled on the pavement’ and another in which he is alleged to have not ‘had adequate lighting for a push-bike.’

Assange has denied the accusations, arguing that on both occasions it was necessary to use the pavement: once to circumvate an angry cat and the other to avoid a bullet fired from the American secret service (who had disguised themselves as aesthetically indifferent trees). He further claims that the incident in which it was reported he was using inadequate lighting was due to ‘a disappointing battery’.

Many supporters of the Assange believe the charges to be a deliberate smear concocted after pressure from the American government who are angry at the confidential correspondence being published on Wikileaks. Obama has denied the claims stating that they are rediculous and that even if he wanted to do such a thing he couldn't, "I deny the claims they are ridiculous, even if I wanted to do such a thing I couldn't" he told UnNews.