User:Markeyriley/Izzy Stradlin
Izzy Stradlin[edit | edit source]
“Wasn't he the tall one in S Club?”
“No I Fucking Wasnt!!”
“He's In My Ass!”
Izzwald Stradinho, commonly known as the gypsy kazoo artist with a penis the size of Uganda, is the love child and creator of Knives N' Daffofils singer Axl Rose.
Early Life Huffs[edit | edit source]
Izzwald was born in Layafart,Indiana, back in 1734. When concieved, his mother and milkman experienced a sensual bond and proceeded to be joined at the arsecheek. Izzy's dad wasn't best pleased. In his best Texan accent, he did this.
Izzy picked up the Bulgarian Nose Flute at the age of 3, and by the age of 2, he could solo like fuck. Eat your heart out Slash. Bitch.
In 1980, Izzy decided that he'd had enough of life, and moved to LA. This is where he met the rest of his future band, Bon Jovi. In the summer of 69, they released their 'Best Of' compilation, which went straight to #Your Mum in 93784920 different countries.
GOOn5 & RaWSeZ[edit | edit source]
After leaving Jon Bovi, Izzy proceeded to play with many bands and artists in the LA underground scene. Many criticized this decision. Bastards. Soon, Up-The-Duff McKagan and Slosh coincedently happened to walk into a club where Izzy was playing, and both were thoroughly revolted in what they saw. So much so that Izzy's appearance had the effect that 160 crates of beer do, where Slosh went on to slur 'So ya wanna join my band?'. Izzy jumped at the opportunity. Due to the low ceiling, he hit his head. This inspired the album title 'Appetite for Oh FUCK my head bloody canes!!'
In 1988, GNR released the EP 'Guns N Roses-Porky Pies'. The album featured an alternate version of previously-released song 'Youre Crazy', which Izzy famously said of 'I plucked my eyebrows just this fair morn. Hmm. This fair morn.'
1991 saw the release of the double album 'Use your contraceptives or YOU WILL BURN IN HELL!'. These were Izzy's last albums with GNR, before leaving being told to 'Stick your kazoo up your arse and smoke it with aluminium'. Izzy took some time off to fund such projects as Band Aid III 'Feed The Scousers', Global Warming, introducing the congestion charge, making love not parking tickets, the red bull box car challenge, the annual swedish cheese roll, gurning, and smashing 99 green bottles hanging on the wall.
Izzy however did comment on GNR's follow up album, of punk covers, saying 'you just cannot have fries wothout ketchup. Its like having two balls and no dick.'
Velvet Revolver[edit | edit source]
He didn't join Velvet Revolver you idiots!
Izzy Stradlin & The Goo Goo Dolls[edit | edit source]
Izzy left GNR to pursue a career in accounting, and met his fellow Goo Goo Dolls companions, Wayne Rooney, Rory Bremner, Clive Anderson, Mr Rossi and Jefferson Airplane.
They released their debut album, Now Thats What I Call Music 30 in late 2009, which was a complete and utter failure in terms of physics.
The band toured in '93, playing loads of different countries. At one unnamed show, the band encountered Axl Rose. He tried to antagonise the band and intimidate them, before Izzy sharply pointed out 'Dude your plane just took off without you.' Axl was sad, and is the subject of the song 'Somebody Cockin' referring to Axl 'cocking up'. Have that.
The band finished the tour on a high note. It was an F#. Very high.
On the coach back to each members home, a mass food fight ensued when Izzy said to Jimmy 'My dad will beat your dad'. Jimmy retorted (speaking of his gay dad) 'My dad will shag your dad, and you dad's gonna enjoy it!'. The coach driver told them to STFUizzle BiatcH! And thats when the pies started flying. Eventually they realised noone was driving, when the coach crashed into a nearby Wal-Mart.
The Group split several months after, citing many reasons, including; Gareth Gates' music career, Uma Thurman, Arnold Schwarzesnigglewigglerumdiddlyumpsiousnesslyrompsrobblinglyadenedvargenshargenganshnegger, Sudo Creme, Tom & Jerry, Torvil & Dean, and Anne Widecombs left arsecheek.
Solo[edit | edit source]
Izzy has since had some albums. Some good. Some bad. Some ugly. One was first. One was last. One was my everything. One featured a lion. One had a witch. Dont be stupid, wardobes DO NOT MAKE MUSIC!!!
His first solo album, named 117, referred to the number of pennies it cost. For every copy made. He went on to release Strap On, Stream, On Down The Cul-De-Sac and 2005's Like A Virgin. Izzy gained a strong fanbase over this period, some dating back to his GNR days. It was in 2006, that Izzy met one fan That Gay. Izzy's life was changed from the moment that their bumcheeks touched.
In 2007, Izzy released two iTunes albums, My Amy and Fire. Both albums were well recievedby fans and critics alike, although Rolling Stone magazine rated both albums 1 star out of 5, going on to say 'He's just a washed up Vanilla Ice wannabe'.
