User:Mammolastan/BTK
Big Tough Cookie[edit | edit source]
The Big Tough Cookie, typically referred to as BTK, is an object of mythical proportions in cultures around the world. There are various manifestations of the BTK, including Indian god Vishnu in the east, Timon and Pumba in the African continent, and the Native American spirit Oscar Wilde. Worshipers have revered the BTK and its Chocolate Chips of Salvation for as long as history can record, or at least as far back as the Great Time Travel War of 1871.
Basic Tenements[edit | edit source]
The traditional BTK religious storyline usually adheres to the following series of events:
[dude|Jefferey Lebowski], soon to become Great Master Chef of the Universe (praise be upon him) invites his boss over for dinner one night. Jefferey Lebowski asks his wife to show all the hospitality that a woman can show, if she catches his drift, hint hint wink wink. Wife refuses to sleep with Jefferey Lebowski's boss. Jefferey Lebowski muses for one hour before committing assault on his insubordinate wife. He then muses for another hour on how to please his boss, who is coming over for dinner in two hours. One half-hour passes before he realizes that donuts are great, but the shape and texture are imperfect. If only a being could have the ability to create some kind of ultimate food. That great being, that awe-inspiring creature, would be a force of life itself. Fifteen more minutes pass, but not before another half-hour passes, during which a sneaky hour slunk its way through. Suddenly Jefferey Lebowski's musings cease to be musings and become an idea.
Jefferey Lebowski invents the BTK.
Jefferey Lebowski prepares the ingredients and pre-heats the oven. Jefferey Lebowski bakes a delicious, soft, chewy, incredibly circular food item. He names the item the Big Tough Cookie and Jefferey Lebowski immediately becomes the Great Master Chef of the Universe in one instant. The Great Master Chef of the Universe slays his wife. Then the Great Master Chef of the Universe finds his boss and decapitates him with the BTK. The Great Master Chef of the Universe leaves with his BTK, to roam the universe, and is never heard from again. It is said that, to this day, you can look up in the sky and see the Great Master Chef of the Universe with his BTK trailing by Earth on a night sky.