User:Knitwitted/Forgot the fart

My Book, 1601, AKA, "We Had Forgot the Old Fart."

The early English phrase "forgot the old fart," refers to one of the most notorious incidents of breach of protocol²⁰ in early English history. It is a part, but the critical part by far, of a larger expression, attributed to Queen Elizabeth I, a Tudor¹⁷ in her own right, speaking to Shakespeare. As recounted by myself, the story records that once when Shakespeare was "in the presence," he was unable to contain his gas (having recently dined on pickled herring¹). I confess to regretting the book's title, 1601, now believing as I do that the events in question more likely took place as early as 1576²¹.

In any case, as recounted in my narrative, being the bard², he vented in a very musical fashion, to the tune in fact of several bars³ of Greensleeves a/k/a Browndrawers. Upon hearing (and otherwise experiencing) these notes, the Queen frowned. Shakespeare was so stricken by her cloudy countenance that he removed himself at once by ship to Venice¹⁵. The experience gave rise to some of his most passionate sonnets, including "the region cloud hath masked herself from me now" and other romantic favorites.

While in Venice he built a house for himself, where he dwelt for seven years, writing several of his most famous tragic masterpieces under the dismal overcast of her majesty's disaffection.

After seven years had elapsed -- that being of course the period of the Jubilee⁴ -- he returned at last to London, where he was hushered once more into the royal presence.

Whereupon the Queen (who was by that time quite, quite senile⁵), reputedly¹² mistaking him for the 17th Earl of Oxford, announced: "My Lord, we had forgot the old fart²²."

Foodnotes

¹ According to Dr. A. Berkeley, Professor of literary history at Lesonn University and world acknowledged expert on Elizabethan handwriting, as published in his cookbook Monstreudle Adversary, Shakespeare dined on white herrings (sometimes spelled, in old English, "Witheringes⁶.") while eating some underage girl.

² "Bard" as used in this context meaning "buttered lard".

³ "Bars" as used in this context meaning "hash marks".

⁴ "Jubilee" as used in this context meaning "minstrel cycle".

⁵ "Queen" as used in this context meaning "senile".

⁶ See Emily Brontesaurus's¹⁰ Witheringes Heights for how Lord Nelson ate his own Monstreudle⁷ in public. Is this RS? Why no link? This is the internet you dumbshit. Samuel Clemens. Hey fuckshit. This is not a talk page. You've been warned about this topic before. Knitwitted