User:Kippy/From the Chief

This isn't a mere comedy wiki. We are a serious establishment.

Welcome to UnNews. Be sure to wipe your feet on the mat before you come in. If you can't follow this simple instruction, get the hell out. The last thing I need is to come home and find crap smeared all over the furniture.

What it is

You probably believe that being a comedy writer requires being a maverick.

You couldn't be more incorrect in this assertion.

We have rules here. Good comedy requires rules. Otherwise it descends into an anarchy of crap-cakes and unencyclopedic boosterism. If we didn't properly train our monkeys typing on typewriters, then they would simply spend all day throwing feces at each other.

The vision

Uncyclopedia itself is not just any old humor wiki. Here at UnNews, we strive to tell The Ultimate Joke: We are a spoof masquerading as a legitimate news source.

The best that could happen

A final word

We are a family here at UnNews, and I am your father. If you act up, I'll take off my belt and show you how we did discipline before the pamby liberal psychologists called it child abuse.

Most importantly, it must be made abundantly clear that you show your Chief the utmost respect. I AM UnNews! This means that anything you do to UnNews, you do to me.

Signed,

The Chief