User:Katie5000/AmuroRay
 Amuro Ray. | |
| Nicknames: | Amufro, Manuro |
|---|---|
| Disparaging Nicknames: | Angsty McWhine |
| Height: | short |
| Weight: | less than you |
| Inseam: | 29 inches |
| Shoe size: | probably 7 |
| Righty or Lefty: | righty |
| Smoke/Drink: | No/No |
| Dots his i's with: | dots |
| Allergies: | strawberries |
| Favorite TV shows: | The A Team |
| Favorite Bands: | Linkin Park |
Amuro Ray is the Patron Saint of giant robot pilots, engineers, and people with freaky psychic powers. An offering of electronic components is made to him every year on his birthday, at his temple in downtown Tokyo.
Amuro's Freakin' Life Story[edit | edit source]
Amuro Ray was born on November 6 UC 0063. At the time of his birth, the Moon was in the 7th house and Jupiter was aligned with Mars. His birth was supposed to herald a new age of peace (to guide the planets) and love (to steer the stars), but something must've gotten lost in translation because a war started soon thereafter.
Amuro's parents weren't around during his childhood, so he was raised by a cup of coffee. One day, while he was stumbling around in the basement of his house looking for the fuse box, he came across a book called Your Giant Robot And You: A Practical Guide, which would soon change his life--much like that book about sex did a few years prior, when he found that behind the sofa. Once upstairs, he stepped outside to find that there was now a giant robot standing on his front lawn. Amuro then did the only thing a teenage boy would do in this situation: he jumped in the robot and took it for a joyride, destroying half his hometown in the process.
Upon discovering that the robot he was in actually belonged to the government, Amuro decided to try and return it to its owners rather than face getting butt-raped in prison for the next 25 years of his life. He fished around in the glove box until he found a repair slip with the owner's address on it--apparently the robot belonged to White Jesus, who hung out on White Base and was planning to use that robot for the Second Coming. Amuro returned the robot but was told that as punishment for taking it, he now had to pilot it at White Jesus' beck and call, to help him defeat his enemies.
Amuro used the robot to help White Jesus defeat both Rambo Lol and Ma's Cube, along with some other insignificant people. But then, then came CHAAAAAAAAAAR! CHAR was a thorn in the side of White Jesus, bothering he and the rest of his Crew since time immemorial. White Jesus set Amuro on his greatest task yet: to defeat CHAR and claim the Mantle of Awesome, along with CHAR'S girlfriend Lalah. Amuro didn't quite beat CHAR, but he did discover that he had freaky mutant powers that made Lalah all hot. She wanted Amuro to "impale" her on his "pole", but unfortunately for her that ended rather horribly due to Amuro's poor, poor understanding of innuendo. Sometimes he was not the brightest crayon in the box.
Once it became clear to the government that Amuro had freaky mutant powers, they decided to arrest him, slap an ankle bracelet on him, and tell him he couldn't leave his house, which for some reason was now a fancy-ass mansion. Amuro had absolutely nothing to do all day except bitch about how horrible his life was, while snorting cocaine off the stomach of a naked supermodel with a rolled-up hundred dollar bill. It was after one cocaine-fueled orgy too many that Amuro decided to try and get his life back together, after the cops had to arrest him for running down the street naked and screaming, ankle bracelet beeping all the way. Amuro got himself cleaned up and re-joined White Jesus, helping to take down the Titans and man up Camille Bidan, who had gender issues. He also met Beltorchika Irma, who wanted Amuro to "impale" her on his "pole" like Lalah did, although now Amuro had a better grasp on innuendo and didn't kill her this time. Oh, and CHAR was in there somewhere too, although he didn't go by CHAR anymore. He ran around telling people that he was now Quattro Vagina. VAGIIIIIIIIIIINA!
Some years after that, Amuro got himself a new girlfriend and got back together with White Jesus, who now had a Jesus Junior. They fought some more space battles and stuff, all while CHAR had a massive mid-life crisis and tried to destroy the Earth. This time, it was Quess Paraya who wanted to get "impaled" on Amuro's "pole", but she had to settle for CHAR'S shriveled, middle-aged, Viagra-riddled dick instead. Jesus Junior and Gyunei Guss were more than willing to do some "impaling" themselves, but Quess apparently found she had a thing for old men with thinning, back-combed hair. Anyway, Amuro built a "Nu" Gundam with the help of his girlfriend Chan, who had blue hair (ya gotta have blue hair). Quess got mad at her and tried to kill her, but then Jesus Junior got in the way and shot Chan instead (although not before she could kill off Quess, thank God). Amuro got vaporized while trying to save the Earth from CHAR'S bad comb-over. The end.