User:Jocke Pirat/Welcome

LISTEN UP, PUNK!

Listen hard, listen quick, because I'll blow your face off if you don't.

You've just registered on the most dysfunctional encyclopedia in the world, and it's capable of blowing your head clean off. And you better ask yourself "Do I feel lucky?" Well, do you punk? Considering that you're not being chased by a half naked man with a butcher knife I suggest that you are.

We've got a few rules that you need to follow before you edit. I suggest you read them, because the last two guys that didn't follow them couldn't be identified by the coroner --- couldn't tell which leg went into which body. Honestly it made me almost puke a little bit in the back of my mouth.

So:

1. Read the Beginner's Guide. I've got no time to break a new recruit. Besides, the last recruit I got is still in the hospital with a bullet wound in his chest, and the one before that is pushing up daisies. So I suggest you read this instead about how to do stuff on Uncyclopedia.
2. Instead of sitting on your ass all day in your dean's office, punk, I suggest you read "How to be funny and not just stupid". That way you won't have to warm seats in two offices.
3. Instead of getting your shit deleted, try it out in the Sandbox first, and then make it in your userspace (Make the title of your article "User:Jocke Pirat/Welcome/Name of your article here") second.
4. Make your punk-ass a userpage, so we know what you made and who you are. Making your John Hancock nice and pretty would be nice, too.
5. Need more help, jackass? Well try to ask in the Help forum. And the mayors here don't cave in, so you better read what you need to read, punk.
6. Still Need Help? Get yourself adopted. Browse our list of available mentors, and leave them a message on their talk page. Get a good writer to break you.

Good luck. You're going to need it.