User:JelloMold/Zach Braff
Zach Braff is a somewhat well-known American Actor, known for his portrayal of psychologically tormented characters, often in traumatic and life-threatening circumstances. He has many times risked his own life to bring gritty upper-middle-class reality to movie screens.
Early Life[edit | edit source]
Born in Maplewood New Jersey, he tragically fell in love with the prettiest girl at his school, only to dump her once he had given away his virginity because he felt he 'wasn't ready'. Some say this terrible event scarred Zach for life and is the inspiration behind most of his all of his film and acting work.
Scrubs[edit | edit source]
He is best known for playing the character JD in the hard-hitting psychological hospital drama scrubs... where he must choose between one pretty fellow doctor and another non-medically-trained pretty girl. The dilemmas he faces are often summed up in the closing moments of each show where he offers a plaintive and heartfelt soliloquy to the viewer. Although Scrubs is generally well known for not showing any actual surgery or even a drop of blood throughout it's 9 seasons (horrifically leaving such scenes to viewers overactive imaginations), there have been calls in some corners to ban Scrubs because of the psychological trauma it iflicts on viewers - campaigners often citing the traumatic travails in JD's lovelife as the reason. Braff was quickly established in acting circles as the most intense and hardcore performer since Tyson Brando a Belgian-American method-acting prodigy who is rumoured to eat cocaine lumps and gibbon for breakfast.
Filmography[edit | edit source]
Garden State[edit | edit source]
In his directorial debut Garden State, Zach plays 28 year old Andrew, a New York waiter depressed about life.. who meets Sam (played by Natalie Portman) while waiting to see the doctor about mild headaches.
This scene - with Andrew struggling to win over the seemingly eager Sam whilst suffering from the mildest of headaches - had many audience members vomiting into the provided sickbags with empathy. This ability to relate common real life incidents such as a random hottie coming over to speak to an ugly wimp in a hospital waiting room was seen as too visceral by some critics, who cited the fact that many audience members subsequently sought counselling as proof of their theory.
Others believe this mass reaction may have been caused by the sheer schmaltziness of the scene, however this has since been scientifically disproven.[1]
The Last Kiss[edit | edit source]
Braff managed to top the groundbreaking effect of his first film with his second feature 'The Last Kiss'. Beginning happily enough it quickly descends into heartbreaking madness, and the sheer horror of seeing the main character Michael meet another potential lover on his wedding day was enough to drive many moviegoers from the theatre in heartbreak. Some are now saying although the first film was irresponsible, to show Zach having to deal with two hotties pining for his attention - and appearing at certain points to risk losing both of them - was downright sadistic. It has been compared to the Human Centipede by Roger Ebert.
Recent Work[edit | edit source]
Braff is currently banned from creating anymore films indefinitely by the American Film Council. Though they are still somewhat popular in Belgium where Tyson Brando is a big fan. They are currently rumoured to be planning a project involving Brando's gibbons re-enacting scenes from scrubs.
Personal Life[edit | edit source]
Zach has dated two women who are famous - Mandy Moore, and Shiri Appleby - but tragically had to dump them due to his terrible personal problems. But not before having lots of hot sex and walking up red carpets with them.
Having explored the the celebrity genres of 'pop singer' and 'fellow actor', he is currently rumoured to be looking into the genre of 'supermodel' for his next girlfriend. Something he feels is sure to conquer his pathological depression. However he stated in a recent interview that he is getting depressed because his fame is decreasing, thus rendering his ability to obtain said miscellaneous supermodel harder, which is in itself resulting in him being unable to do as many push ups as he could previously, and a growing addiction to peanut butter with chocolate flavorant.
Footnotes[edit | edit source]
- ↑ Just joking haha. It was actually scientifically proven that it was down to the schmaltziness. In itself a twisted effort by Zach to inflict further pain on his fans.