User:Jamtrousers/corridor
The corridor, or "couloir" as it is known in France (not that that's relevant or anything) is the source of more social awkwardness and conflict than any other invention of mankind- even the aeroplane armrest (the eternal conundrum being whether it is proper to impinge your elbow upon it when there's someone sat next to you and thus leave them with nowre to rest their equally deserving elbow, as well as- especially on British flights- the sense of shock and outrage which percolates through the frigid atmosphere of the cabin when someone monopolises both of their armrests, and makes the awkward silence of so many polite people in such confined space just that little bit deeper).
The problem[edit | edit source]
When architects first started designing buildings with corridors in them they were little aware of quite what they were unleashing on the world. The problem as it stands is what exactly the correct procedure to be followed is when you notice someone approaching in a corridor whom you recognise but are not particularly well acquainted with- it would be rude to completely ignore the person, and pretending not to notice them in such a small space would be completely impossible, unless you are astonishingly good at feigning deep interest in the floor. However, acknowledging their presence too early would leave you in the horrible position of having to approach one another for an impossibly long time with nothing to do but look at each other in mutual but inadmissable mortification as you each search desperately for something to say which is significant enough to not be rendered ridiculous by the fact that you will have to shout it down the still-considerable length of passageway between you, and yet is indifferent enough that it will require no discussion, which would only force you to stop and prolong the agonising embarassment that encountering one another in a situation which has already become so desperately awkward would engender. Through recorded history it is thought that humiliation brought about by corridors has caused more deaths than any other cause (with the possible exceptions of war, famine, disease, old age, and a few others).
Related difficulties[edit | edit source]
For most people who aren't entirely socially maladjusted, seeing someone you know well a distance down a corridor is no problem, it can be dealt with simply by giving an humourously or ironically over-extravagant greeting (such as a madly enthusiastic flailing of the arms) in the safe knowledge that the recipient of your salutations is either familiar enough with you to know you're joking or nice enough to not take the piss out of you for it. Trying to apply this approach to a relative stranger is impossible though, and will simply result in the person never talking to you again for fear of your sanity. f