User:Imrealized/Why?:I Is Better Than U

VOWEL WAR!

Tonight, join us for a theoretical fistfight between two distinctly separate and mortally-opposed vowels:

In the indigo corner, the Imam of Imminence, the Inspector General of Intrigue — I

And in the mauve corner, or maybe the puce corner, we have the underwhelming underdog — U

Throughout this journey, we'll attempt to determine which one is better. Oh, the answer is I. I is clearly better than U. Here's why:

I Comes Before U

It's true. I comes before U. U knows this and I knows this. Every vowel knows this. Sometimes Y knows it, too. Let's say A is having a party and is inviting twenty-five friends. Guess who is in the top ten on the guest list? That's right... I is. Where is U at? Oh, the bottom six? In the company of V, W, X, Y, and Z? What a bunch of fucking losers those guys are. One of them is just U with a point and another is just two of U beside themselves. Losers!

I Is Slender and U Is Fat

I is one sleek sonofabitch! Standing tall and proud, I is the epitome of elegance. I can't take complete credit, though. I just has a kick-ass metabolism.

Now look at U. U looks like a baby cradle. A stumpy, little baby cradle. Lullaby and goodnight, U. Rock yourself to sleep with dreams of sugarplums and gumdrops and other things that fat babies eat.

I Likes the Ladies, But U Is All About the Dudes

It's true. I is totally into ladies. Without I, ladies would just be lades. Which are pretty much lads.

Which brings us to U. U is so into dudes, it's not even funny. Look back up at those ladies; I don't see U anywhere. I is there, all up inside them, but U is down here, in Dudesville. Population: U. Cradling the dudes.