User:IFYMB!/UnNews:Russia 2 - Switzerland 1

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Jump to navigation Jump to search
UnNews Logo Potato.png This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation.

26 April 2013

He looks young for 5000 years old.

Russia beat Switzerland in UEFA cup 2-1 thanks to a fine goal from David Luizski in the 90+4 minute.

The semi-final was packed with excitement, and after just 12 minutes, the first goal was scored, thanks to Moses, who parted the sea of defenders to nod home.

Switzerland had a good chance to go level in the 23rd minute after Fri-Up dribbled through 3 defenders but only hit the post from about 6 yards.

Russia, who have only failed to win a trophy in three seasons since Roman Abramovich took over in 1903, are attempting to become the first team to win the Champions League and then the Europa League in successive years.

In the 35th minute, Switzerland had yet another chance to score. Bram Stocker's shot, just off the outside off his boot, was 2 inches wide after a low cross from Fri-Up.

But Russia had two fine opportunities to double their advantage before the interval, with Lampard finding Oscar and the Brazilian's shot being pushed away by the Keeper before Hazard lifted over after a wild attempt at an overhead kick from Fernando Torres.

Russia nearly scored again on the stroke of half-time, but Rameries' shot was saved by the Swiss keeper.

One can only imagine what was going on during half-time in the Swiss dressing room, all types of unforgiving neutral rants from the manager.

Russia's players took a deep into the North Sea jacuzzi and can out looking like they had just bathed in oil.

The Swiss tried to use the Schlieffen plan for 20 minutes, but the Russians held steady .

Luis Suarez's dog treat, Ivanovic, nearly scored in the 77th minute with a glancing header, but it skimmed the crossbar.

But Switzerland were level just ten minutes later, when A.Fri-Up converted a penalty after Derdiyok was punched in the face by John Terry. The celebration was typically neutral.

But, mother of all twists, Luizski scored with the last kick of the game which means Switzerland will have to fight hard if they want to win the second leg, because Suarez already got the first.

Sources[edit | edit source]

Retrieved from "https://en.uncyclopedia.co/w/index.php?title=User:IFYMB!/UnNews:Russia_2_-_Switzerland_1&oldid=5812858"