User:Hrodulf/uPod

The uPod is the next step in the iPod series. It is the first 'pod' that requires the purchaser to have brain surgery to use. It is a follow-up to the AAAAAAApod, which was spectacularly unpopular due to the fact that it wouldn't play music, and would just go "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA . . . . " until you either turned it off or killed yourself. Millions who weren't able to figure out how to turn it off committed suicide, leading to a huge class action suit against Apple. In order to settle the lawsuit, Apple created the uPod so it could control the minds of humanity and raise an unholy army of mind-controlled zombie sex slaves to pleasure and make coffee and snacks for Apple employees around the world.