User:Hongchong7/Asian Father
The Asian Father is a crazy nut case in which he is from Asia, AND has children. Yeah, that sounds really hard, but It CAN HAPPEN. When something of this great and amazing freatureingsblahblahblah yakitude happens, there is a war, after that war, there's another war, but somewhere between the wars there's a green bunny buying joysticks for Easter on a hot sunny day while sipping on a pepsi yelling, "Man, That's smelly!" Shortly before being blown to bits with some random weapon.
Asian Father?[edit | edit source]
Well anyways, the asian father is quite absurd, quite insane, and loves a nice picnic with Bologna and Satan. I didn't even think Asian Fathers hung out with the big guy himself, until I found myself in Hell enjoying a nice Mexican feast. Man, that Satan Sure puts up some Spicy foods! Yowza!! But again, I lose myself. Anyways, the asian father, Hey!! A bunny rabbit! Aww, it's so cute with it's big floppy ears! I just wanna punch that little sucker in the eyeball and take it straight to Venezula! I've never been there, nonetheless have taken a wild bunny rabbit there!
Wow, I'm really off track here... Man, that just sucks sometimes. One HUGE Problem with having an Asian father, is having really bad ADD. I need my Ritalin... I REALLY NEED MY RITALIN. But Hopefully I can get on subject now.
Qualifications needed to be an Asian Father[edit | edit source]
Overview of the Asian Father[edit | edit source]
Asian Fathers are seriously insane, maybe not Bat Fuck Insane, but one day they might just get there. Children living with insane Asian Fathers are usually Asian. Everyday, Asian fathers get up and say... "BEN!!!! WILL BE HOME FOR DINNAR!???" I, being the child of an asian father, reply, "Yes, I will be home for dinner, will be be having the traditional american feast of McDonalds and Fecal Matter?" My father will quickly reply, "NOOOO!!! KAWAIII!!!!ONEONEONETWONOSDNAF WE EAT DOG WITH CAT SAUCE! CHOW MEIN HWEYAAAA!!!" This is an example of a conversation between me and my father. Other conversations include,
Where's your car?
I See it!
There's dog hair everywhere!
Finish your math!
Don't smoke pot!
I could be the president right now, unless I travel back in time and do my grandpa!
What is... Cheese?
Why Peanut sauce should be spicy and not mild
College is better than sex
Sample Conversations With an Asian Father[edit | edit source]
AF: BENN!!!! WHERES YOOR CAR!???
Ben: In the driveway... Where it usually is...
AF: REALLY!???? *Swigs wine*
30 minutes later...
AF: I SEE IT!!!
AF: WE GET NEW LAWNMOWER!!!
Ben: Why? We have 3 gallons of gas in the garage for the new mower!
AF: NEW LAWNMOWER IS CORDLESS!!!
Ben: Aren't all lawnmowers cordless?
AF: NO!!!!!!!!!!! BARBRA STRISAND SAY LAWNMOWER!!!
Ben: Are you going to finish that sentence?
AF: AAAAA AAA AAAAAA AA!
AF: BENN!!! COME HERE!!!
Ben: I'm right here dad!
AF: YOUUU!!!! DON'T SMOKE POT!!
Ben: Alright...
AF: YOU SEX NO IF SMOKE POT!!!
Ben: Sure... What's Barbra Strisand say about it?
AF: BIG NOSE!!!!
AF: BENN!!!! YOU GO TO COLLEGE!!
Ben: Yeah, unless you spend the rest of it on wine
AF: IT NOT WINE!
Ben: Alright, Pornography that you keep next to your new cordless lawnmower.
AF: AA AAAA AA AAAA A AAAAA AAA!
Tips to Survive with an Asian Father[edit | edit source]
- Don't smoke pot
- Don't make fun of his lawnmower
- Yell, A LOT
- Don't think about A...
- You should be able to count this high
- Drink a lot of caffeine
- When having sex, put a bag over your partner's head and pretend you're both clowns. He/She/It will probably be pissed off, but it'll be one hell of a ride.
- Where's my Ritalin when I need it!??
- Oh man! That cabbage is RAW!!!