User:Gianthogweed/Lake Emerson and Palmer

Lake Emerson was a lake in South America that served as a home for the alien entity known as Keith Emerson. Carl Palmer was the stage name of a frustrated musician who just wanted to hit it big. Together, they would produce some of the most appalingly listenable music to ever exist.

The Origin of Lake Emerson

Researchers are unsure of as to how Lake Emerson came to be, but they have come up with a theory based on the physical aspects of Lake Emerson and the incidents arising from it that they have dubbed "...pretty damn good, considering the alternatives."

At the bottom of Lake Emerson sits a gateway to another dimension. Not just any dimension, though - it is a gateway to the Broccoli-Cheddar Dimension, so named because all of its space is occupied by a tasty broccoli-cheddar soup. Scientists believe that the gate first appeared below the earth's surface at a level roughly concurrent with the bed of the lake. Broccoli-cheddar soup saturated the rock and soil until the weight of the chambers grew too much for the natural limestone caverns beneath them. The resulting cave-in created a hollow beneath the earth's surface, causing it to cave in and create a large depression which gradually filled with broccoli-cheddar soup.

This activity would have continued indefinately were it not for the efforts of the indigenous people; judging by murals within a nearby ziggurat, they halted the lake's progress by serenading it with The Best of Starship. While that appeared to halt its growth, the ritual did not shut the dimensional gateway, and after a span of time a shapeless (i.e. betentacled) entity arose from the lake. It took the shape of a white-skinned man, called itself Gte'Tkruus, and unleashed upon them a demon from the entirely aural dimension of Synthesizia. The demon's high-pitched squealings and guttural bellows drove the people insane, many of them diving into the lake, where Gte'Tkruus devoured them. Others began eating each other and themselves while a select few, who found the demon's call strangely appealing, survived to document the terror.

After Gte'Tkruus had unleashed his brand of terror among the people, he was loathe to find out that the ritual which had sealed the lake could not be revoked, no matter how many people he tried to eat (those who suggested to him that eating people would not necessarily solve the problem were summarily eaten). The entity reasoned instead that it needed to eat smarter people; to this end, it changed its name to Keith Emerson and shifted its operations to London.

The Progressive Wrestling Federation

Upon reaching London, Emerson joined the Psychedelic Wrestling Federation (PSWF), a movement frequented by London's intellectuals. Rather than be seen as a mere imitator of mainstays of the PSWF, however, Emerson attempted to develop his own brand of Wrestling, Progressive Wrestling, drawing the elite to his matches by displays of his dazzling technical skill and quotations of classical wrestlers, among them Achilles and Socrates. From there he would slay and devour them with thrown knives, shoddily-crafted folding chairs, and cannons strategically placed within the ring.

While Emerson's bid was somewhat successful, he was quickly overshadowed by posses such as the Crimson King and his Court, The Moody Bluesmen, and Pink Floyd and His Imaginary Friends. In order to become the dominant force of Progressive Wrestling, Keith Emerson needed power - star power. However, rather than attract another wrestler to his side by guile and beneficial offerings, Keith settled with using a demon from Synthesizia to perform brain salad surgery on Lee Jackson, the frontman of the Court of the Crimson King and arguably the most melodious voice in Progressive Wrestling. By means of the operation Lee Jackson was made into a puppet-like state, ripe for possession by Emerson, who changed Lee's name to Greg Lake because though he might have been an unfathomable extradimensional intellect, he was, after all, a tourist.

Emerson's posse remained incomplete, however, even with the additions of The Barbarian, Jeremy Bender, Crystal Sparks, Candi Crystal, The Sheriff, and Benny the Bouncer.