User:Gerrycheevers/Planet X

Planet X is a hypothetical planet that may or may not exist in the Solar System, probably. It is most widely known for its imminent encounter with the planet Earth, which will result in cataclysmic gravitational anomalies, magnetic pole-swapping, mass extinctions, and other nuisances. Most research on Planet X is documented on poorly formatted websites, often in Comic Sans, which are usually devoid of updates since the late 1990s. The existence of Planet X, while confirmed by such reputable fields as astrology and druidic soothsayer shamanism, continues to be denied by modern science.

Background

Once humans evolved eyes sensitive enough to collect the light raining down on earth from stars trillions of miles away and brains large enough to resist the urge to soil oneself and flee at the sight of thousands of sparkling sky lights, they began studying the heavens. Early observers of the cosmos quickly splintered into two groups. The first group, calling themselves "astronomers" (meaning "star law"), noticed patterns in the sky and developed rules and theories based on observation and prediction. The second group considered this to be far too much effort and decided to make up some nonsense about the position of heavenly objects at the exact time of a person's birth affecting their personality and life events. This group called themselves "astrologers", meaning "star molester", referring to their purported ability to make predictions by touching the heavens.

The word "planet" is derived from the ancient Greek "drunk star" due to their tendency to aimlessly stumble across the fixed background stars as seen from Earth. In classical times, the only planets known to exist were the ones visible with the naked eye: Mercury, Venus, Mars, Jupiter, and Saturn. Earth was added to the list of planets once people realized that they were living on a spherical hunk of rock hurtling around a recurring million-mile-wide atomic explosion (rather than the previous silly notion that the Earth was flat). The telescope was invented in the 1600s, and once scientists grew bored of ogling distant ladies, they turned their devices on the sky. In the outer reaches of the Solar System, they found two new planets: Uranus and Neptune.

• planet discovery
• gold rush for planets

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