User:Gary the Snail
"The French Like snails, the French are gay" -Oscar Wilde
"I eat snails for breakfast, they are an EXCELLENT scource of fiber. Fiber is made, for a happy colin!' -Chuck Norris
"I pity the snail!" -Mr. T
"just finish sucking my sweet-sticky bud, oh yeah, Gary... YEAH!" -Spongebob, on Gary's anti-fungal tendencies
Gary the snail[edit | edit source]
Gary the snail is an actor from the fishing town of St. Louis, Missouri, where he grew strong from catching mighty guppies. His real name was Gary de'snail (from french) It was not untill his late teens, that he found acting, making his first appearance as Forest Gump in 1996. this role however, was incorrectly attributed to Tom Hanks, who despite being devilishly handsome, was not the real actor. After a short controversy, in which Gary was found to have links to the BBF (the Bikini Bottom front) he returned to acting, in the popular sitcom, leave it to beaver. although his role in the series was immense (he sometimes played up to five charecters at once), he was never properly credited. The director later stated on the incedent:
"It's a trap!" -Oscar Wilde, director of Leave it to Beaver
Despite these setbacks, Gary made a rise back into the entertainment business, playing the main charecter of a popular romantic comedy, Spongebob Squarepants, in which he struggles through the oppresiveness of the early 60's in a segregated town, in Arkansas. Unfortunately, this whole setup was lost when people realized: Arkansas always had, and always will suck. The Show was re-formmated, and set underwater, in part, not to bore viewers to death, and also for more deep viewers to relate the opressiveness of their undersea society, where any wrong move must be resolved in thirty minutes or less, can be directly related to the race-riots in Chicago in the mid-70's.
Gary's return to sitcom[edit | edit source]
In 2010, Gary announced he was scheduled as a canidate for a new telivision series based on the true story of Justin Bieber, as his mother. The show focuses on several main points, including the main struggle: For Beiber To poke out his very first pubic hair, get a real girlfreind, and all while avioding Disgruntled doors and bottles. When asked about what role Gary was going to play in this new comedy, Gary said this:
"Meow" -Gary The Snail
When asked how this would affect his role in his current show, the direcor of spongebob, Steven Spielberg said this:
"I own that fucking snail, i tell you, He's mine! His ass is on contract!"... Furthermore Steven had this to say: "He is going to be playing a huge role in my newest spongebob movie, where Plankton, rich off of royalty from his new book he wrote: Mien undersee-kampf, enslaves Bikini bottom, killing it's citizens and ultimately murdering all political enemies... krabs is the first to go, he has his Krab dick chopped..."
Steven Speilburg Was sent to a mental hospital soon after said incident.
Retirement, Gary's current life[edit | edit source]
Gary is currently a resident of Malibu california, where he lives on the crusty side of Johnny Rotten's ass, often writing songs for john's band,PIL. They are better than the songs Johnny writes.
Here is an example of some lyrics:
meow meow moew.... BULLOCKS! meow meow meow... PISS! meow meow meow... HIPPIES! meow meow meow... Commies!
It is apparent, The snail writes better music than the old punk rocker, now old bitcher, will ever write again; his brain is almost fifty percent butter!
Legacy[edit | edit source]
Gary will forever live on as the only snail ever to act well ( other than Sarah McLachlan) and foremost as the discoverer of the cure to Aids (which was lost after His journy to Mars, unfortunantly) and evenmore so, and the only actor more boring than Nicholas Cage. More accomplicments are these:
-Won a grammy at age four, but nobody cared
-Had sex with Elvis
-Was photographed clubbing baby seals to which he responded "At least it wasn't Kurt Cobain"
-Killed Kurt Cobain, and blamed it on courtney
-Took horse tranquilizers before a concert and passed out on stage
-Smoked salvia on camera to move into his big-girl phase
-Killed Courtney love, but nobody liked the bitch anyways
-Inducted Homer Simpson into the Rock 'N' Roll Hall of Fame
-Was beat up in highschool, for having a "Gay shell"
-Won a golden globe for best actor in Clash of The titans; He was the best actor on set.