User:Gabs171/Man-eating sheep

Man Eating SHEEP

The Man-Eating Sheep was invented by The Flying Spaghetti Monster in an attempt to create a worthy enemy. The Fyling Spaghetti Monster had an great deal of trouble trying to make this, so he called on his greatest minion Chuck Norris to help him create a Man-Eating Sheep worthy of fighting his Noodleness. Chuck Norris and the FSM (Flying Spaghetti Monster) decided that the best place to meet up would be in Starbucks as here they would be able to meet in public without anyone noticing any abnormalities as Starbucks is known for catering for monsters and other misunderstood things. After many days of discussion Chuck Norris came up with the idea of combining a Voodoo priest, the notorius pirate/sheep Black Eye Barnaby and a super intelligent ape by stuffing them in a super sized blender (Blend Tec) to create a opponent worthy of fighting the FSM.

The Gospel Of the Creation of the Man-Eating Sheep

This is the story of the creation of the Man-Eating Sheep, written by the prophet Ragu(Nbuh (Noodles be upon him))

Finding the right people to find the VooDoo priest

Soon after the conversation between the FSM and Chuck Norris the FSM decided to tell Chuck Norris to find someone who could search for the VooDoo priest and Chuck Norris knew just the right guy. Indiana Jones! And of course Indiana Jones managed to find a crack team of people including a pensioner (prisoner 102938485473) who claimed to escaped from the "old age home from hell" (found in Hemsworth. A black underage child (Prisoner 102938485474) who claimed to have escaped from "a sweat shop from hell" (found in Hemsworth) and a pretty woman (Prisoner 102938485475) who claims to have escaped from "the brothel from hell" (found in Hemsworth)

P.S Hemsworth is the world's largest secret Mental asylum (found 2000 metres east of Madagaster)

Finding Voodoo Priest

It did not take long for Indiana Jones to find the location of the Voodoo priest as there was one in Leeds. The only problem was that he was under heavy surveillance in a pretend jungle. (the pretend jungle was placed there because the human rights group believed that the Voodoo priest was calling up Evil demons and turning the local Chav population into brainless zombies because he was out of his "natural habitat". Many fought against this because they felt Chavs were already brainless zombies and so the Voodoo priest just made them stop being violent and so should be held in a regular prison.) Indiana had three plans that would (of course) work flawlessly and (of course) leave him as the only survivor (hereby making him a hero).

Plan One

To get through the heavly armed gate Indiana Jones bought five bottles of Tesco Vodka. He gave all five Vodka bottles the pretty woman and told her to drink one, give two to the guards and throw the other two over the gate. The woman drank half the vodka bottle and then stumbled over to the two soldiers and handed them two bottles each. Over time the guards got drunk and then the woman threw the other two vodka bottles over the wall. Two seconds later there was an almighty cry from all around. These were the Chavs (chavs can smell Tesco vodka from over three miles away.)As the Horde of Chavs came they quickly killed the Woman and two guards and pushed open the gate to reach the vodka. Many Chavs were arrested and killed..... Meanwhile the pensioner and the underage child snuck over the wall.

Fact: This is why Pastafarians celebrate MESP (Man eating Sheep Pilgramege). MESP is when one time in a Pastafarians life they go and pray, drink vodka and reflect on the same spot where the pretty woman gave her life to help create the Man-Eating Sheep.

Plan Two

Their next obstacle was more of a challenge. earing up their There was a pack of rabid chickens that had escaped from their cells during the Chav invasion. Indiana Jones knew there was only one thing they could do. Act like the Chickens!!!!!!!!!!!!!

They did this by tearing up their sleeping bags and sticking its feathers to their body. The pensioner did this in a matter of seconds, claiming he had "done this kind of thing many times before". Indiana Jones and the child decided it would be smartest to follow his lead seeing that he was most experienced in this field of work. Indiana Jones and the followed his lead. Sadly the child was raveged and eaten.

Fact:This is the second part of Mesp were the Pastafarians wear chicken suits and do the noodle dance on the ground were the pensioner treaded.

Plan Three

Finnaly Indiana Jones got to the cell were the VooDoo priest was being held. They quickly and swiftly knocked out the VooDoo Priest with a fish from a left over fish and chips they found in a bin nearby the prison.

They managed to get the VooDoo priest out of the facility, but the pensioner died of a heart attack on the way out (just as Indiana Jones planned)

Fact: This is the third part of MESP were the pastafarians act out the death of the old man were his grave is.

Indiana Jones had managed to get the VooDoo priest to Chuck Norris and was blessed by The Flying spaghetti Monster which granted Indiana Jones a place in heaven.

Capturing the pirate/sheep Black Eye Barnaby

Now with one of the three ingrediants to make the Man-Eating Sheep Chuck Norris already had a person to do the next part of The FSM's bidding. A very famous Pastafarian by the name of......... Captain.........

Spack........

Marrow!

The life and times of Captain Spack Marrow

Captain Spack Marrow is the 2nd cousin (3 times revomved) of Captain Jack Sparrow and has done many exciting things in his life like: catch Typhoid, get a severe case of scurvy, become morbidly obese, become a level 94 druid on World of Warcraft, live with his parents until he was 39, watch Pride and Predjudice, get tourettes, get crabs, discover 4 new STDs, find the cure for Leprosy(drink clean water), become Europe's very own poster hobo, become a pirate and convert to Pastafarianism.

Capturing Black eye Barnaby

Once Captain Spack Marrow got news that he had been chosen by his Noodleness them self he got of his backside, sold his 'Games workshop' and did some research on the whereabouts of Black Eye Barnaby. He did not search for long as he had a vague idea of where he would be. The world centre of Sheep/Pirates. Liverpool

Captain Spack Marrow walked into the first pub he saw in Liverpool to find Black Eye Barnaby sipping a light drink called Vodka. Captain Spack Marrow moved closer to where he was sitting. Then he sat next to him. Then he did the slickest move in the book. He sttod and shounted a FSM prayer "Glory be to the Flying Spaghetti Monster, and to the Midgit, and to the Pirates. As it was in the beginning, is now (With a mountain), and ever shall be(and trees), world without end (and with Pirates). R'Amen."

Then he sat down, rolled up his sleeves and shouted BINGO! and he flapped his Bingo wings, which in turn hit Black Eye'd Barnaby directly in the forehead knocking him out. Sadly as his sheepy head hit the table Barnaby did one quick shot into Captain Spack Marrows ribs which he called a "cancer shot". Captain Spack Marrow managed to deliver Black eye'd Baranby to Chuck Norris in Texas and used The National Postage Service and it took fifeteen years to reach Chuck Norris (by which time Captain Spack Marrow had died due to the Cancer shot inflicted upon him by Black Eye'd Barnaby.)

Capturing the Super Intelligant ape

with two of the three things captured Chuck Norris had to find a Super Intelligant ape, so he went to the Chernobyl experimental facility. He realised that to make this sheep super evil he would have to add another person to the mix 'Mel Gibson!' so he called his friend who worked at the Mel Gibson cloning facility in south America to send a Mel Gibson up. They did this. Then he got all the other experimental apes in one end of the facility and Mel Gibson at the other side. Then Chuck Norris casually went to create the "Birth of the super Intelligant ape" at the Chernobyl nuclear facility. A huge nuclear explosion occurred and the blast proof animal experimental facility was unharmed. But the radiation got through the Ukrainien (It was cheapest) ANTI-RADIATION walls that surrounded it, hereby creating a super evi(Mel Gibson side) and super intelligant (ape side) ape. The only problem was that the apes that were left over did not get the super intelligant part and just became some Jew hating douchebags. They went back in time and decided to do what we call "the Holocaust" but to the super Intelligant apes as "the Bidding of their fathers".

Chuck Norris procedded to take The evil ape to the "Great blender" where the VooDoo priest and Black Eye Barnaby were bieng held captive.

End Of Gospel

The next part was not published in the FSM's holy book but I have searched around and in the darkest corners of the internet I found out what happened at "The Great Blend"

The Great Blend

Many people came to watch the great blend from Pastafarians to the Spaghennidictine Monks. The Famous people that came to see this are in this list King Rory (King of Roaring)

King Padgett (King of Padgetts)

Archangel Sawyer (Angel of Soya milk)

Many other people also came but I could not tell you their names or else I would be killed.

The great blend started and out came the Man Eating Sheep. It forced everyone there to convert to MES (Man Easting Sheepism)and then told everyone to go into the night to beat up any FSM worshippers using nothing but pig hooves and rubber hammers.

MES Today

MES is a very relaxed religion (alot like the Amish) but instead of wearing strange suits and skirts that go down to their ankles, they must keeps the Five Ss' on them at all times.

Five Ss'

A small jar of Sheep S**t A small Sack holding a few noodles in (to throw at Pastafarians) A picture of the Pirate/SHEEP black eye Barnaby towards the End of his life. A picture of the SHEEP that support Mel Gibson. A small SPACE APE on their bodies at all times.